2007 – A Year in Review (The Things that Mattered, According to Bangs and a Bun and in no Particular Order)
Rihanna’s Umbrella
When even your mother says ‘ella ella’ after the word umbrella, you know it’s gone too far.
The British Invasion
Between Amy Winehouse’s smack sagas and Lily Allen’s whining about her weight on her blog, the only sane Brit to break through (and yet still be underrated) was M.I.A.
The Iraq War Raged on
For the love of Christ (and Allah) – withdraw your troops bitches! Seriously, withdraw your troops.
That Green Dress Keira Knightly Wore in Atonement
If Knightly doesn’t win the Oscar, that dress should. And I’m not talking about some ‘best costume design’ bullshit. I mean literally that dress should walk up on stage and take the statue.
The Sopranos Ended
But it hasn’t for me yet. Due to my lack of a TV, I’m catching up on the show from the beginning via DVD (on my computer). I figure sometime in 2009, I may actually know how it ends.
Iranian Leader Practiced How to Make Enemies and Alienate People
Apparently unaware that Jews and the gays run this shit, President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad went to America and offended every last one of them by making some outrageous comments about both groups. Not that he cares – he’s hardcore like that.
Britney’s Meltdown
Try as you might to avoid it, there was no escape. The divorce, the vagina monologues, the shaved head, the umbrella (ella ella) incident, the custody battle, that MTV performance. She introduced the world to a new and improved, loud and proud, wear-it-on-your-sleeve brand of crazy.
That Final Scene in Michael Clayton
Played out by Clooney to absolute perfection. And if you look close enough, you can clearly see George giving me the bedroom eyes.
Feist
Canadian and not at all boring! Yeah, she’s been around for years, but nothing says ‘I’ve arrived’ like your song being featured on an iPod commercial. C’mon admit it, a little bit of 1,2,3,4 comes up when you hit shuffle.
Al Qaeda’s Failed Attempt to blow up Glasgow Airport
Random and ridiculous.
Conrad Black’s Demise
Who doesn’t love to see a villain go down? He deserved every day of that time for being so stupid as to not turn off the CCTV cameras while sneaking evidence out of his office. I’d be happier if he was doing ‘Oz’ kind of time, but he’s just doing ‘Martha Stewart’ kind of time, which means he’ll probably come out of there promoting some new line of home furnishings or something.
Transformers
Overall, it was disappointing and about 30 minutes too long, but I include this for the circumstances under which I saw it. It was when my parents and bro were over visiting. As we were staying in the boondocks and neither my brother nor I drive, we had to get our parents to give us a ride to the movie theatre and pick us up. I even had to borrow money from my dad to see it. Basically, it was the ‘80s all over again.
Sao Paolo Cleaned Up
In January, it became the world’s first ‘clean city’, with a ban on all outdoor advertising. High fives all round.
Tony Blair Stood Down
About fucking time! If only Bush would follow that lead.
Princess Diana is Still Dead
Yet, the British authorities seemed to feel that yet another inquiry into her death would change that fact. Can’t anything just be a tragic accident anymore?
In the Case of Benazir Bhutto, No it Can’t
Benazir Bhutto gets assassinated and the Pakistani government immediately starts a cover up by saying she just hit her head while trying to get out of her vehicle to wave to crowds. Yeah, sure she did. And the bullet wounds and bomb blast were just coincidental.
Pete Doherty Became a Cat with Nine Lives
Though he’s supposed to be on probation for drug charges, making his cat smoke crack, shooting up on camera and squirting a syringe full of blood at a camera man still didn’t land this jammy bastard in prison. Does probation violation even exist anymore?
Louisiana Thought it was Still 1967
It would be nice to think that the racially charged events that led to the Jena 6 case don’t happen in 2007. The southern state of Louisiana seems to have made little progress in terms of race relations. Al Sharpton was working overtime.
Facebook
Myspace took a beating as this new kid on the social networking block took over and kicked ass. And for future reference, no, I don’t want a Fun Wall, Superwall, or any other kind of wall, so please stop asking me.
Overall, in 2007 we became greener, but meaner. Everyone took baby steps to do their part for the environment, be it recycling more or just toting around an ‘I’m not a Plastic Bag’ bag. But politically, it was like a big gang fight with more and more countries jumping in to go for the jugular. Lets hope that getting that idiot out of the White House (providing Americans don’t replace him with an equally ignorant imbecile), might go some way towards improving foreign affairs.
Roll on 2008 – have a great one bitches!
