An Open Letter to Mariah Carey
I understand that ‘Hooker Chic’ has been your look of choice for quite some time now, but have you ever thought it might be time for a change?
It’s clear that you’re in a deep, deep state of denial and are surrounded by enablers who indulge your princess fantasies, so perhaps no one has pointed this out to you but, you’re in your late 30s.
It’s bad enough that you continue to make music (if we can even call it that at this point), but if you must be seen, at least be seen in something a little more age appropriate than cut off shorts and a low cut tank top.
I’ve seen you in clear heels more times than I care to remember. Unless your record company pays you in dollar bills, this is not a look you should be going for. Mini skirts and midriff bearing tops are also out.
How about giving a knee length skirt a try? Or jeans (maybe even wide leg ones), that aren’t two sizes too small for you? Sometimes, leaving a little something to the imagination is good. In your case, all the time would be better.
What pains me Mariah is that you’re filthy stinking rich. You don’t even need to go shopping yourself, you can hire someone to do that for you. If you already have a stylist, fire her pronto. Seriously, give her a good bitch slap (then drop kick her in the face and put her in a choke hold, just so she gets the message).
This routine of you parading around with your tits, belly, ass and legs hanging out is getting really old, as are you. You’re like that embarrassing aunt, attempting to flirt with your niece’s boyfriend at the family barbeque.
So why not do what all the crazy kids your age are doing these days; adopt a child from Africa and become a UNICEF ambassador. That shit you like to call clothing won’t make the grade as ‘humanitarian wear’. Give all your clothes back to the 12 year old you stole them from, throw out the clear heels and go buy yourself something pretty. But remember the golden rule; Thou Shalt Not Shop At Forever 21. Please, at least try, to grow old gracefully.
From one Carey to another.