Baby on Board
Sometimes I think, this world can’t get any crazier. Between Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and the Iranian president, I thought we pretty much had crazy covered. But alas, no – there’s always room for more. The following piece of crazy left me somewhat befuddled.
There’s a chick in prison in British Columbia for murdering her husband. (Nothing out of the ordinary there – it happens all the time). She’s about to get a new cellmate. (Sure – some toothless beauty who can bench press 400 pounds and will issue contract killings for a couple of packs of Marlboro Lights). The cellmate will be her newborn daughter. Wait, what? Yeah, that’s right. The husband murdering-recovering-drug addict’s lawyers managed to convince the powers-that-be that the baby would be better off with her imprisoned mother, than with a stable foster family.
Now, admittedly, my knowledge of prisons comes from the show ‘Oz’, which leaves me with feelings of dread. I don’t understand how this situation will work. I’m assuming the husband murdering-recovering drug addict got quite a hefty sentence (or maybe not, considering the prisons seem to be so lax). So, what happens as the child gets older? Will playtime consist of being bench pressed by the toothless beauty? Would she go to school in prison? Or would she be allowed out to go to school? And if so, what if she wanted to invite friends around for tea?
I have more questions than answers. But the biggest question of all is exactly how low is the quality of foster care in British Columbia, when a murdering, incarcerated drug addict is seen as the better option?
Easter is upon us…
Are you a complete douchebag who is looking for the ideal way to express the joys of Easter to a loved one? Yes? Then may I present to you, the Armani Easter Egg.
What better way to show friends and family that you have reached new heights of wankerdom? Even though it’s the best Easter egg on the market (and possibly the best thing in the world), the Cadbury’s Cream Egg is beneath you. Forget the fact that chocolate eggs have precisely fuck all to do with the actual meaning of Easter, you will undoubtedly fork out whatever the ridiculous asking price is for an Armani chocolate. According to Trendhunter, this egg is ‘the epitome of good taste, in every sense…’ Oh really? That Taste-O-Metre appears to be way off.
But, I have no doubt that it is good taste to you, you over paid, Blackberry owning, Bluetooth headset wearing, Patrick Bateman-style business card toting, trust fund using, Hummer driving, Maroon 5 listening, steaming pile of douche.
Happy Easter.
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Tags: armani easter eggs, babies, douchbags
