The Chav: An Explanation


When most people think of England, they think of The Queen, tea, Helen Mirren and fantastically fashionable people.

 

Up until recently, The Chav was our dirty little secret.

 

Unfortunately, somehow, someone, somewhere blew the lid of that secret and now Chavs are everywhere.

 

Allow me to elaborate:

 

It would be easy to lump Chavs in with your bog standard white trash, but there’s much more to this intriguing British subculture.

 

A working class people, Chavs have an intense dislike of anyone who finished high school or, God forbid, actually chose to go to university. Education is their enemy. Their time is much better spent getting involved in extreme acts of delinquency; harassing/assaulting ‘posh twats’ (i.e., anyone who doesn’t live on a council estate, shop at JD Sports or holiday in Majorca), public drunkenness, hanging around on street corners ‘protecting’ their turf, that kind of thing. ASBOs (Anti-Social Behavior Orders) were basically invented to control Chavs, keep them out of the public eye. But instead, they pretty much embraced the ASBO as a badge of honor.

 

Chavs are easily identifiable through their unique fashion choices:

 

– Jewelry; mainly multiple chains and sovereign rings, all imitation gold of course.
– Reebok Classics; the Chav trainer of choice.
– Lacoste T shirts; fake again (the unemployment cheque doesn’t stretch far enough for a real one)
– Adidas track pants; the kind that are elasticated at the bottom, so you can see the Reebok Classics better.
– Polyester; any Chav wardrobe is made up of anywhere between 65-90% unnatural fibers.

 

And of course, the Chav Haute Couture; Fake Burberry.

 

Burberry (those poor bastards), were once a reputable British designer label. (And by ‘once’ I mean around the 1970s when they did that fantastic rain Mac – a classic). Around 1999, they started putting their signature printed lining on just about anything they possibly could. The craze grew and grew and then Chavs got hold of it. For a time, Burberry made a cap covered with their stripy-lined print. If the Chavs had a uniform, this would be it. (Naturally, they wear the fake version). Fake Burberry jackets, shirts etc sprung up all over the place and Chavs could be seen donning them while engaging in all their highly offensive Chavery.

 

Burberry ceased production of the caps. Soon after, seeing how their good name was being associated with this extremely negative subculture, they stopped putting the print on everything and relegated it back to its original use as a lining material.

 

But the damage was done. Any Brit with an ounce of taste wouldn’t buy something Burberry now if you paid them, for fear of being associated with the most hated social group in the country.

 

So now, they’re out, they’re proud and they’re not going away any time soon. ASBOs are no match for the force that is, the Chav.

 

As long as there are fake versions of designer duds, alcohol, unemployment and hoodies – Chavs will rock on.

 

ASBO-lutely.

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