Things Which Must Stop – The TV Edition
Listen, producers of CSI; sometimes you just can’t top a good thing. Grissom was your good thing. You should have called it a day there. But you got ahead of yourselves, put a call in to Caruso and set up shop in Miami. Do you find Caruso’s chronically bad over-acting in every scene as irritating as the audience does? I now make a point of whipping off my sunglasses and crouching down to the ground before I utter even the simplest of sentences.
Then there’s that annoying southern, ballistics expert chick with the long blonde hair who was obviously thrown in there to cater to every NRA member’s wet dream.
I guess when you decided to branch out to New York, your thought process was; ‘Who can we get that’s more annoying and visually more disturbing than Caruso?’ Well, you lucked out with Gary Sinise. That is not a face that belongs on television. And it’s unfair to put him up there next to the other male cast members, who look like they should be greased up, working a stripper pole somewhere.
I urge you, before you take on another city and cast Carrot Top in the lead – think again.
Entertainment Tonight (and all the variations thereof)
Can you seriously stop trying to present this pile of crap like it’s some kind of legitimate news show? Are you even aware of what constitutes as news? In the grand scheme of things, does the circumference of Angelina’s upper arm really matter?
Enough of the drawn out segments on Britney Spears already. One sentence will suffice; This bitch be crazy, yo.
When you have ‘breaking news’ that Lohan went out without underwear again, I’m embarrassed for you that you have to read it with a straight face. Is talking about someone’s exposed snatch on national TV everything you dreamed it would be as a child?
You have a good run. Time to call it a day. The formula is beyond played out. Simon speaks the truth but is constantly booed because you can’t be negative about anything, ever, in America. Paula shows up drunk most weeks and is just counting down the minutes to her next eight ball and Randy has been unable to give a critique other than ‘It was a little pitchy, Dawg’ for the past six seasons.
And to top it all off, you have the reigning King of Douche fronting the whole thing.
‘Seacrest, out’? How we wish he would be. Any man with frosted tips and that many veneers should be down in Miami kicking it with Caruso.