Coz I'm British, innit
A posh bloke appointed by the government has announced his ideas about ways for us to celebrate our Britishness.
The general idea is for it to ‘make it clearer what it means to be a citizen.’
Among his plans is a national holiday. I’m all for that. Hell, any chance to get a day off work, I’m on board. I’m not sure I’ll be reflecting on what it means to be a British citizen on that day or thinking about how it ‘may help enhance a sense of shared belonging’, but it will probably provide me with some good discounts, as stores will inevitably be having ‘British Day Sales’. (Forget the fact that I now live in Canada for a moment. I’ll be taking the day off regardless and declaring my Britishness all over town (forcing people to give me discounts) As Canada is part of the commonwealth, it’ll understand.)
Other plans include; giving council tax deductions to people who volunteer in the community (what does this say about Britishness? That people are only nice if there’s a monetary reward for them in the end?), free english lessons for new immigrants (can these be extended to people from say, Liverpool and Newcastle whose accents are very difficult to understand?), ‘citizen education’ (anyone want to venture a guess at what the hell that actually is?).
All of these things are intended to ‘entrench the notion of Britishness in British society.’ I’m still a bit lost as to what ‘Britishness’ is supposed to be and no one seems to have addressed it either. I’m envisioning some kind of Chav parade with a big fake Burberry flag – someone set me straight and give me answers.
The ceremonies may or may not include a pledge of allegiance to the Queen. OK, this is where I draw the line. I’m obviously slightly biased here because I’m fiercely anti-royal, but considering some of our taxes go towards keeping her in the lifestyle she’s accustomed to, I think, if anything, she should be pledging allegiance to us. In the words of Janet Jackson; what have you done for me lately?
The most offensive part of that whole idea is that while it’s supposed to be all about showing our commitment to our Britishness, they jacked the idea straight from the Americans. Doesn’t the whole idea sound like pledging allegiance to the flag? No offense to the yanks that read this, but I’ve always found that ritual thoroughly ridiculous and cringe inducing.
Anyway – if someone could just fast track the national holiday idea, it’d be much appreciated.
Madonna saves the world
Madonna was inducted into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame the other night. In his incredibly corny speech, introducing her, Justin Timberlake said; ‘her new single is called ‘four minutes to save the world’ and in a way that’s exactly what she’s done; saved the world, one four minute song at a time.’
Madonna has maybe saved one life – that kid she adopted. And have you noticed, he never exactly looks thrilled about it. Plus, she’s only adopted one, meanwhile Angelina’s clocked up like what? 25 kids now?
Please remove your head from your ass, pronto. You are currently trailing in second place in this race sweetheart. You do not offer Obama the Vice Presidency. That is all.
Tags: the brits