Party at Mine Tonight, I'll Bring the Taser
Gone are the days of having a ‘ladies night’ at your friend’s house, where some woman comes over to sell you frilly knickers and dildos. Forget having a prim and proper gathering with the Avon lady. The latest exercise in female bonding is the taser party.
Self defense is now sexy. Who wants to sweat it out for hours at Krav Maga when you can just tase the crap out of somebody?
Coming in a variety of styles, from fuchsia pink to leopard print, you can coordinate your weapon of choice with your outfit. Marketing genius, I think we’ll all agree. It’s so lame, I would say ‘someone shoot me now’, but I don’t want to risk some prissy bitch with a plaid print taser gun stepping out of the shadows and taking me up on it.
I’m not sure I fully understand the logic behind the taser party. How do you test the merchandise? Does some poor bugger have to volunteer to be tased? Talk about pulling the short straw.
I’m a lover, not a fighter, so excuse my ignorance, but are tasers even legal?
The customized taser just scratches the surface of weapons aimed at women. Don’t even get me started on the Hello Kitty rifle. And there was me thinking we were the fairer sex. Oh well. Tase on, if you must, sisters. Tase on.
And the world, as we know it, is forever changed
Sometimes it’s hard not to get depressed when you consider that George W Bush has actually been in power for eight whole years, global warming, the Israel-Palestine conflict, Iran’s nuclear weapons, genocide in Darfur, AIDS all over Africa, wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. But the news this week that Crocs has seen a 161% increase in profits, to $168m, is proof that the world, is well and truly, on its ass.
American Boy
Stop whatever you are doing immediately and report to the dance floor! This new single, by my girl Estelle, is gonna be huge. Estelle has been around for a long time, working her way up that ladder and is finally getting her dues. She’s the first artist on John Legend’s label, Home School and she thoroughly deserves every ounce of success that’s coming to her. If you don’t know, get to know, because this London girl is about to get very big talking about her American Boy.
Warning: It is impossible to get this song out of your head!
