And a Litter was Born
This woman recently gave birth to her 18th child. It’s heart warming that the local psychiatric unit let her out on day release to pop another one out.
What the hell is wrong with this woman? Apparently, she and her husband never decided how many children to have. (Clearly!) ‘We just let God lead our lives’, they said. Well, Jesus, Mary and Joseph are laughing it up right now, I tell ya. You would think that after say, six, hubby might reach for a box of Trojans and say “let’s try something new tonight honey. It’s a little something I like to call ‘contraception.’”
This woman has spent, basically, her entire adult life having sex and being pregnant. Who has that kind of time on their hands? And can it really even be classed as ‘giving birth’ anymore? I mean, things must be pretty loose down there at this point. I imagine babies just fall out of her when she walks. Her vagina must be somewhat like the Euro tunnel – things just shoot through there at great speeds.
She’s an old pro now (literally – she’s only 44, but she looks 67). Her womb has clearly been put through its paces. There’s nothing it can’t handle. I think the obvious next move is for her to start renting her womb out. Get in line bitches! I have a few things I’d like her to give birth to for me.
Somewhat like a Christmas list, I’d like this woman to grow the following things in her uterus for me and just pop them out at her earliest convenience:
1. a career
2. some Christian Louboutins shoes
3. a savings account (complete with roughly $10K in it)
4. a ridiculously nice apartment
5. the second coming of George Clooney
6. that USB memory stick I lost last year
7. the straight version of that hot latino fella who lives downstairs
8. a walk in closet
9. a flat screen TV
10. and since she’s so good at it and probably wants to show off some more, I guess she can pop another small human out of there, if she has the time.
So, crazy lady with the tribe of children, if you could get on top of that list and email me when some of them are ready for delivery, I’d be much obliged. Mkay, thanks.