Bargain Basement Beauty
Have you ever had a salon offer you all of their services for a crazy low price?
We get people from this one salon coming into my workplace all the time, trying to flog a package of every salon service known to mankind for just $47. They come in with these flyers and expect you to fall out of your chair in amazement at this offer, hand over your money and a pat them on the back.
$47 will get you:
A haircut
Highlights
Manicure
Pedicure
Massage
Facial
Make up application
Complimentary toe sucking
Bitch please! I’m of the opinion that you get what you pay for. A good haircut will run you $80, highlights – $70-100, mani/pedi – $30, massage – $100, facial – $70, make up application – I have no idea why your lazy ass can’t just do that yourself. My point being, there is no way I’m getting nearly $400 worth of service for $47.
If you’re lucky, this is what you’ll get:
Haircut – trimming two of your split ends off
Highlights – someone will spray a used bottle of Sun-In in your hair and hope for the best
Manicure – clear polish, no hand cream (it costs too much)
Pedicure – two minute foot rub
Massage – karate chopping your shoulders for ten minutes while waiting for your nail polish to dry
Facial – someone throws a bucket of water at your face
Make up application – by someone sent from the Amy Winehouse school of crack face
What makes this whole bogus offer worse is that the last chick they sent in to try to sell it to us was a hot mess. She had peroxide blonde hair with roots so black she looked like a zebra, pores you could see from space and chipped nail polish. The more she was talking about how great the salon services were, the more my mouth hung open. I looked her up and down. If that’s what $47 gets me, I think I’ll pass, thanks. She saw me looking at her and said ‘oh I know, I need to get my nails done.’ You need to get a lot of things done, sweetheart. You better hustle a little harder for that $47. I love how I didn’t even need to say that to her, the look on my face made her get defensive enough. It’s a good thing, because if I’d started to tell her verbally, I would have run out of air.
Now when they come in, as soon as they say ‘I’m from the salon…’, I shut them down. Though I’m sure, one day, some desperate, ugly, broke sucka will take them up on their offer.
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Tags: amy winehouse, beauty, hair
