Got to Give it Up
All my lapsed catholics in the house, put your hands up!
Whoa, there’s quite the crowd of you out there. But that’s good. I’m amongst friends, I see.
As I’m sure you all know (or maybe not, because you probably don’t have one of those weird Catholic calendars they used to give out at church), tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which symbolizes the beginning of Lent. In a nutshell, it is the time of year when we give shit up.
*Just a quick side note about Ash Wednesday. Back in the day, before I had bangs, I used to dread Ash Wednesday. The priest’s big thumb coming at you and drilling that ash into your forehead. And no one wanted to be the one to wipe it off, because then you look like you don’t love Jesus. So, you have to walk around all day with a dirty forehead. You’d see other catholic kids around town with their dirty foreheads and exchange knowing glances, give each other a nod, show your dirty foreheaded solidarity for your brethren.*
So, even though the church may not see me as often these days, I always feel an obligation to give something up for lent and always struggle to decide what I should give up. So I thought I’d ask for assistance from my dear readers. Here’s what made my shortlist of possible things to give up this year. Picture forty days and forty nights without them:
I did this one a few years ago and Lord knows (literally), it was hard. I don’t drink, smoke, do any kind of drugs – lets face it, I’m damn near perfect. Diet Coke is my one vice. Actually, I’m officially taking it off the list. It’s not fair to do that to myself. I did it for you once Jesus, I don’t know if I can do it again.
Yeah right. Like a British chick can give up tea for more than a few hours.
The word ‘motherbitch’
Hmm, there’s potential for me to give this up, but all it’s gonna take is for one ordinary member of the public to step on my shoe or ask me for directions and I can fall right off that wagon. Nix that. Next.
This one appeals to me. If I give up working for forty days, it’ll really give me time to reflect on The Jesus. Now, if Jesus could sprinkle a little divine intervention upon me and deposit a larger pay cheque directly into my account while this happens, I will roll with Jesus full time. Kind of. Sort of. Ish?
Lusting after Jon Stewart
This would be hard, but maybe if I wasn’t always fighting to stay awake to get a glimpse of Mr Stewart on The Daily Show, other elements of my life my fall into place, like sleep, for example.
My winter boots
Alright, who am I kidding. Giving up the winter boots wouldn’t be a stretch at all. And upon reflection, I don’t see Jesus giving up his Birkenstocks for me. That settles it – the diet coke stays!
So, any suggestions? What will you give up?