Dear Mr Kanye West
Hi. How are you? Uh huh, yeah, listen. I’m gonna need for you to stop. Stop everything. Like seriously, drop everything you’re doing right now and take a vacation.
That’s right. Drop that giant chip on your shoulder and your gargantuan attitude and just go to a deserted island somewhere to reflect on your douchbaggery.
The schtick is getting old. You are beyond annoying. You don’t have to mention how you are the savior of music/mankind/fashion/endangered species/the universe every time you open your mouth. We get it. Your ego knows no bounds and you are proud of that. 10-4. If you’re not going to progress and find something new to say, maybe you should just stop for a while, or you know, forever.
What is kick starting this latest rant, you ask? That fucking ridiculous afro-mullet you’ve taken to rocking. That’s what. I don’t doubt that you have a wholehearted defense of how you are a pioneer in the fashion arena and how you don’t care what people think because you ‘start’ trends blah blah blah. Whatever. You look like a wanker. Which is actually pretty appropriate, because you are one. There’s no need to disguise yourself with a normal hair cut. It’s probably best that you package the goods in an honest way.
Also, you’re not really pioneering anything at this point. Your Heartbreak/808 whatever album? You just used a vocoder, which in case you hadn’t noticed, was used by every other artist in your genre last year, before you did it. In case we’re not clear, that would make you a follower, not a leader.
I rebuke it all Kanye. I rebuke it! Take your denim-on-denim with leather gloves combo and shove it. Take your overpriced sneaker collection for Louis Vuitton and shove that somewhere too. Take that vocoder and, if there’s any room left, shove that too.
That is all. As you were.