So, I know it’s a recession and all, but cheapness is not an attractive quality. Don’t get me wrong, everyone watches their pennies, but you don’t need to constantly bring up how broke you are at every available opportunity.
I really have issue with people who are cheap for no reason though. Take my boss for example. That man pulls in some decent figures, much more than me, that’s for sure. Something I noticed when I started working there is that he never takes lunch.
At first I thought it was because he was a hard worker. Then I just thought it was strange that any man could make it through an entire working day without so much as a cracker. Over time I noticed, there were rare occasions when he would eat. I put two and two together and noticed that those occasions were when the meals could be expensed: a breakfast meeting here, a lunch there. So, maybe once or twice a month, this guy will eat during the day. He’s starving himself damnit! And all in the name saving a buck. That is some shameful shit.
I don’t know how he does it. That takes commitment. I’ll get woozy around two o’clock if I haven’t eaten.
I remember once, when I lived in New York, I once went three days without food. It was not by choice. I was broke and unemployed. And you know, apparently spending all my money on fly ass L.A.M.B trench coats. I survived on a jar of peanut butter. Hard times! I managed to scrape together ten bucks after a few days, took myself to the Olive Garden for the soup, salad and breadsticks deal and let me tell you, that shit never tasted so good. I had the waiter sending breadsticks out to me on a conveyer belt. I shut that restaurant down. They practically had to wheel me out of there. I spent the rest of the day walking that epic meal off.
During that meal, I said to myself ‘man, when I have a job and am not basically the flyest-almost-homeless person in the tri-state area, never again will I go without food and have to sit through the shame of dining at The Olive Garden.’ And you know what kids, I have not had to survive for three days on a jar of peanut butter or go to a shitty all you can eat lunch special since then.
My point being, I was on the peanut butter diet because I had to be. I had no choice. My boss has a choice, has money and chooses not to eat because he’s probably one of the cheapest men to ever roam the earth. I pity the fool that marries that man. She can expect to go dutch on every meal for the rest of her life. That’s if he even takes her out to eat.
So, if you’re reading this and it’s about time for you to have a snack, go ahead and splurge. Don’t be a food scrooge.