Friends & Foes
The complexities of female friendships is one of life’s great mysteries. Sometimes our male counterparts will ask us ‘why the hell are you friends with that bitch?’ The older you get, the more you whittle down this list. But at some point in your life, you’ve had all these characters as your friend.
The Ride or Die Friend
You’ve known her for years. She’ll cry with you through the break ups, hold a bucket for you to puke in when you’re sick, vacation with you and have your back through whatever. Sure, you’ve had your share of blow ups, but she’s on your team. She’s part of your history, she knows the jokes and isn’t afraid to call you out on your bullshit.
The Party Friend
This friend could have just gotten out of a coma and she’ll still call you to see if you want to go out that night. She parties like its her profession. So you know that if you’re ever at a loose end for someone to go out with, call party friend and she’ll come running. Sure, you’re fairly certain she should be in a rehab facility at this point, but if she can get you on the guest list, who cares, right?
The Perma-Relationship Friend
You rarely see this friend because she always has a boyfriend. The only time she’ll make time for you is when the boyfriend is out with his friends. She mentions her boyfriend an average of six times per sentence, in case you forgot she had one. She does this to remind herself and everyone around her that someone finds her attractive and is willing to sleep with her. Her every move/mood/decision in life is built around her man. You are not so much ‘friends’ with her as much as you just tolerate her.
The Slutty/Boy Crazy Friend
She gives her number out to about five guys per week and loves to moan about how all these dudes are chasing her. She’s quite the attention whore and always has her sights set on someone. Lock up your boyfriends around this bitch! You can tell she’s just a poor, low self-esteem having, misguided soul, so you try to talk sense to her and introduce her to hobbies other than sex. This is who Perma-Relationship Friend turns into when she’s single.
The Wise Owl Friend
This friend is usually a little older or just a little wiser than you. This is who you go to for the deep discussions. No topic is off limits. You can dig into the deep stuff and she’ll always give you food for thought. She recommends books for you to read (better yet, you can join her book club!) and you always leave your meet ups feeling enlightened on some level. She usually sees you better than you see yourself.
The Bitch AKA The Frenemy
You’re never sure why you’re friends with this chick. She constantly makes sly digs at you, goes after your men, buys the same outfits as you, applies for the same jobs. She talks behind your back and denies it. But there’s a whole other side to her that’s fun and charming, so you let that outweigh her bitchy side for a while, until she does that one unforgivable thing that makes you punch her in the windpipe and kick her to the curb.