Hazy School Daze
I live near a university and this time of year, you can’t move for the influx of new students in the area. Try going to the bank, there’s a line out the door of 18 year olds opening new accounts. Go to Boots, they’re all in there stocking up on condoms and forget trying to go for a quiet coffee or a quick drink in a bar. Students, students, students. There’s no escape.
I don’t know about you, but my student experience didn’t even remotely resemble what I see these fools getting up to. Every night, they’re roaming the streets dressed like smurfs, or 80s aerobics instructors, or ABBA lookalikes. Partying in your regular clothes is just out of bounds I guess. It always has to be over the top, excessive debauchery. And these are no half assed fancy dress costumes they’ve got on. It’s not like they’re tying garbage bags together with string. It’s all very professional. There’s a fancy dress shop in the area (which is sure to never go out of business the way these kids party) and the average costume is £30. Multiply that by the 50 fancy dress parties per term and that’s a sizable chunk of one’s student loan right there.
I was on the bus the other day and on the 20 minute bus ride, I spotted at least 4 students who will develop a serious drug habit and be kicked out of university by the end of this term. You know who they are. We all had them when we were at school too. That’s the one thing that doesn’t change about university life. That one kid who just takes shit too far. And out of those four who get kicked out, one of them won’t move home – he just stays in the university area because he’s scared to tell his parents. Yup, we’ve all seen it. When you listen in on university students conversations, they’ll talk about how stressful it is. Bitch please! You have 8 hours of classes a week!
Anyway, I say to these kids, live it up while you can amigos. Enjoy it right up to graduation day when your parents take you out for a celebratory dinner and inform you, in detail, of how you are well and truly fending for yourself now. They’ve got a detailed plan of how you’ll be taking care of them in old age and that plan starts the second you hit 23. That Smurf costume won’t help you then. Out here in the real world, we work 40 hour weeks, sometimes more and you’ll get punched in the throat for even mentioning the word ‘stress’. So yeah, live it up in those ABBA costumes bitches. Take it easy on the weed and we’ll be here to laugh at you when you crash back down to earth. You’re welcome.