White Girl Weave

There’s been a lot of talk recently about black hair, thanks to Chris Rock’s documentary ‘Good Hair.’ It’s left a lot of white women completely baffled thinking, ‘Wait, you mean to tell me Beyonce’s hair isn’t naturally a bounty of bouncy locks down to her ass?’ Truthfully, if I didn’t have friends of every shade going, I would not be too well versed in the natural vs relaxed vs weave debate myself.

I have black friends with relaxed hair, some with natural and some who will swear they were born with a weave. I grew up trying to get my head around all the lotions and potions they had to put in their hair. Earlier this year, when I was in New York for my birthday, I went to the hairdresser with my friend. This was my first black hairdresser experience. If I were ever to go again, I will make sure I set aside six hours of my day and schedule meals to be delivered. We were only in there three hours and my friend informed me that was pretty good going. My hair is down to my ass and to wash, cut and blow dry this bad boy I don’t think has ever taken longer than an hour. So, I would like to take this time to applaud black women worldwide for their patience. I surely couldn’t do it.

With that being said, since about 2004, I have been keeping a very close eye on a worrying trend: white girl weave. A growing number of white women are experimenting with hair pieces, clip ins, wigs, what have you. The only thing is, I’ve never seen a good white girl weave. Every one I see, you can tell it’s fake a mile off. A few months ago, Meghan McCain (daughter of former presidential candidate John McCain) was on The View and was rocking the worst rat’s nest weave in the history of fake hair. What made it even more embarrassing was that part way through the show, a debate about weave erupted and McCain stayed unusually quiet. Near the end of the debate, she fessed up ‘well, my hair’s not all real,’ and everyone gave her a look of ‘no shit Sherlock.’ (I have combed the net for pictures of this atrocity, but thankfully, couldn’t find any).

I find blonde women tend to be the biggest fans of weave. I don’t know what it is about blondes but they all seem to have an inner desire to look like Dolly Parton. They’ll keep clipping extra bits in their hair until they can’t make it through a doorway.

But if it’s not weave, it’s highlights, lowlights, full colour – maximum damage. Why the hell can’t we just leave well enough alone?! Personally, I am part of a rare breed with virgin hair. I’ve never dyed it and have no desire to. I loathe highlights – on anyone. I think they look terrible. Unless you’re going to run your root touch-ups like a military operation, don’t even bother entering into a relationship with any kind of hair colour. It looks tacky.

Not to mention, peoples love of this oatmeal, sun-dusted, honey, cement coloured blonde is running so rampant through society right now everyone is literally starting to look the same.

So ladies, of all colours (skin and hair), I say embrace the natural! But hey, if you still want to go the way of the weave, when I cut my hair off, I’ll give it to the highest bidder – at least you’ll know it’s good hair.

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