January 12, 2010 | fashion

Bra Shopping, Man Style

Over the weekend I went to my local underwear shop to pick up some new lingerie, just in case any of these imaginary relationships I’m having with George Clooney, Elliot Stabler of Law and Order SVU or any Italian hot boy ever come to fruition. I was browsing around the shop, chatting with the owner when a man, wearing a long, tailored women’s coat came in.

Upon closer inspection, I saw he was wearing lipstick so figured he wasn’t in there buying his wife’s birthday present. Considering he was a cross dresser though, I was a little confused with the get up. Aside from a woman’s coat and some ladies flat knee high boots, everything else was all man. He even came complete with bald patch.

Let me stress, my issue here isn’t that he’s a cross dresser. Heck, I lived in a house with a transsexual circus performer and twenty Venezuelan gay boy refugees on a street lined with prostitutes in Toronto. And I myself am pretty much a gay man in a woman’s body. I don’t care about people’s life choices. My whole thing is, if you’re gonna do it, do it right.

While yes, the right underwear is the foundation of any good outfit, how about this guy just start his transformation with a wig and a shave? That would make the world of difference. A women’s coat teamed with a bald patch sends way too many confusing signals.

So while this guy slowly browsed the shop, checking out every bra, thong, corset and panty in sight, I just wanted to nestle him in my bosom, stroke his bald patch and tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to take him shoe shopping, buy him a good wig and get his eyebrows waxed. Let me work my magic Sir! I’m telling you, give me one day to make this guy over, he’ll be starring in the best drag show in town and getting finger snaps left, right and centre.

While I did feel bad for the guy, I also wanted to shop and he was kind of messing up my rhythm. Usually when I’m in there, the owner is helping me out, making sure the bras fit properly and such like, but I didn’t necessarily feel comfortable flaunting my funbags in front of this guy. Not because I thought he was a perv or anything – I just didn’t want him stealing my style choices. Sizes were limited enough in there as it was.

He eventually left with the skimpiest thongs you’ve ever seen. Good luck to you Bald Patch Man, good luck.

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10 Comments

Tyrone M.

You should have reached out…it seems that he could have used the help, and you could have properly educated him. I think that would have made a hell of a buddy movie.

Smarty P. Jones

I agree with Tyrone. We could call it, “The Lady and the Bald Patch Man.” I see a blockbuster.
I swear you have the best adventures.

John Francis

Poor soul! He is obviously in need of guidance. When I say that, I mean in the dress sense, nothing derogatory. However, this reminds me of an instance when I was shopping with a girlfriend and she was looking at bras. I got distracted, and turned to see a pair of hands holding a bra. Thinking I was being funny I said ‘that is way too big for your boobs.’ To my horror I saw it wasn’t my girlfriend but a complete stranger!

The Alan

That would’ve been a PERFECT scene for SATC 2, or a great 1 hour makeover show… at the end you could do the big reveal; you both burst into tears and hugs as he twirls in front of the mirror, locks flowing freely…

Think of the ratings, babe. You could go around the UK fixing up the helpless with you amazing fashion sense πŸ˜‰

YorubaGirl

Many years ago, for my sins, I used to work in a high street fashion store *coughMonsooncough*, in the very gentle area of Marylebone, so you know, fairly genteel. The burliest cross-dressing man in the world came in one day and starting picking up the most delicate looking clothes in the shop – my manager nearly had an apoplexy. After selecting his choices, he then got argumentative when she refused to let him use the women’s changing room, on the grounds of his gender… In the end, he bought them all, but sadly, I missed when he returned for refunds on the ones that didn’t fit. Bless.

Bangs and a Bun

TYRONE – You’re right – this has buddy movie written all over it!

SMARTY – I do have the best adventures huh? Who else would that have happened to?!

JOHN – Hahahahahah – oh dear, that’s a ground-open-up-and-swallow-me-right-now moment!

THE ALAN – I’m gonna shop this around to some TV networks!

EM – I’m officially *dead* at that title! LOL

SHANDA – Oh he was harmless. He bought very non-threatening thongs!

YORUBA – That is a tough one actually – whether or not to allow him into the changing rooms. I’m not sure what I would have done. Well, I probably would have let him in, but I can see where the manager was coming from. And letting him try them on would have saved him having to go back and return them – bless ‘im!

AHONUI – That’s a great old Maidenform ad isn’t it?! As for where I find all the images – good ol’ google image baby!

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