Are you one of those people who jogs? Yeah? Then I pretty much hate you. What the heck are you trying to prove? Get your ‘health and fitness’ ass outta my way! Why do you feel the need to flaunt your sweatiness and heavy breathing in a public forum? On the streets, no less?! A little decorum people. Put some proper clothes on and take a stroll for God’s sake – slow down!
My area is overrun (pun intended) with people who jog. Come rain or shine, they’re out there, in their fluorescent vests and leggings, gloves and warm head bands, taking up perfectly good pavement with their shenanigans. Lots of them like to really test fate and run on the road too. Listen, unless you’re a transformer and your legs fold up into your ass and a giant wheel appears in their place, stay off the damn road.
They seem to run in packs. But whether they’re in a pack or alone, you’re expected to get out of their way. Um, excuse me, but since you’re clearly the fit one here, how about you sprint and do a triple axel summersault over me and get the hell out of MY way?
What makes me laugh the most is that it’s a very grandiose gesture to ensure people know how fit you are – especially if you’re one of those ones who dons all the gear. But in actual fact, running’s not all that good for you. It’s murder on the joints. Run, my friend, run like the wind while you still can. Give it a few years and you’ll barely be able to crawl to the chemist to get your arthritis medication.
Also, what exactly is the rush? Where are you running to and is it really that important? I won’t even run for the bus. And that’s not just because I’m usually in heels that could break my ankle at any given moment. I just never need to be anywhere that requires me to raise my heart rate. I’m all about keeping my stress levels down. Even if I were to jog, just so I have the ability to run, that would imply that I intend to run somewhere, anywhere, at some point in my life. And I truly don’t. Oh I’ll exercise, sure, but it has to be something a little more challenging than merely putting one foot in front of the other, quickly. I’ll mosey through life at my own pace, thank you very much.
So live it up now, you lean, mean, jogging machines. I’m doing boxing training so I can knock you out en route. Kidding. Kind of.