How to Be a Gentleman

A couple of weeks ago, I did a post on How to be A Lady, which caused more than a few people to blow a gasket. ‘Twas a teeny bit controversial. Many people asked why I didn’t do a set of rules for men. Well, you ask, you get – that’s just how much I love my readers. You wanna make out now or later?

Fellas, realistically, I know you didn’t think I was going to let you off the hook. For many of you, your gentlemanly ways and just good old manners have fallen by the wayside and it’s time for you to check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.

The Handshake

When on earth did sweaty-palmed limp handshakes become the ‘in’ thing? Shake my hand with purpose. Like a MAN. Take charge. Assert your alpha maleness. I want you to leave my knuckles barely intact. They should surely teach you this in ‘how to be a man’ school.

Get Your Metrosexuality Under Control

It’s good that you want to take care of yourself, but if you’re spending more time primping yourself in the bathroom than I do, we have a problem. Shower, shave and if you have a hairy back, wax it – other than that, what the hell else have you got to do?

Give Chivalry Some Mouth to Mouth and Bring it Back to Life ASAP

You should be ashamed of yourselves how you’ve just completely given up on basic manners and respect. I’ve heard every excuse in the book as to why you don’t make an effort anymore and frankly, it’s pathetic. Are you seriously not going to give your seat up to a woman or elderly person on the bus? You better stand your ass up! Hold doors open, offer to carry something that we’re clearly struggling with – these are no-brainers. And I really don’t want to hear you say women don’t appreciate it. I don’t know a woman alive who doesn’t appreciate a chivalrous man and if there are women who would curse you out for holding a door open, well, they’re idiots, plain and simple.

If You Say You’re Going to do Something, Do It

So many of your problems with women could be avoided if you just showed a little common courtesy and did what you said you were going to do. Saying you’re going to call us? Just do it. Saying you’re going to meet us at a certain time and can’t? How about a phone call to let us know. I think you’ll find that we respond much better when you just act right.

Stop Lying

You all lie about the most inconsequential bullshit that doesn’t even warrant being lied about in the first place. Stop it. It’s really very tiresome. It breeds contempt and mistrust. Then when the proverbial you know what hits the fan, you have the nerve to call us crazy? No dice.

And While We’re Talking About Crazy…

Stop bandying that word around. We’re not. A lot of how we act is reactive. You have no clue what it’s like to be a woman and have to try to keep the emotional rollercoaster we deal with on a daily basis on an even keel, just like we have no idea what it’s like to have a raging boner. A little understanding of where we’re coming from goes a long way.

Defend Women

Casual sexism has become so common that many of you don’t even bat an eyelid when your brethren speak negatively about us, berate us, degrade us and show us utter contempt. Anyone would think you don’t have mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers the way you just allow it to happen. Any time you feel like growing a set and calling one of your friends out on this nonsense, womankind would appreciate it.

There are more, but this is in danger of becoming a seminar I have to sell tickets to. So ladies, what else would you like to see the fellas make more of an effort with? Fellas, what say ye? What’s your defense?

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