February 14, 2012 | relationships

Love Isn’t…

Valentine’s Day is one of those days that people either love or hate. I’ve always felt that if you love someone, you shouldn’t need a special day dedicated to expressing it. But hey, with the world the way it is right now, we could do worse things than celebrate love. I’m no expert, admittedly, but through my many failed relationships (both real and imaginary), I know what love isn’t. So I thought I’d share those little nuggets with you today.

 Love isn’t:

  • Waiting around for a scrap of affection to be thrown your way
  • Looking for a hidden meaning in a text message, like you’re trying to crack the Da Vinci Code
  • Having to make excuses for why he isn’t doing the bare minimum expected of a partner
  • Having to battle for first place
  • Having to guess whether or not he cares
  • Justifying why he hasn’t called.
  • Being strung along
  • Never having public dates
  • Never having dates at all
  • The 2am phone call
  • Never meeting the friends
  • Uncertainty
  • ‘He just called me on Tuesday, so of course he hasn’t called again yet, it’s too soon!’
  • ‘I’m just not ready for a relationship right now’
  • Being out of mind as soon as you’re out of sight
  • Constantly feeling crappy
  • Being introduced as his ‘friend’
  • Never going to his place
  • Vagueness
  • Mind games
  • Hurtful
  • Sex, sex and more sex
  • Being ignored
  • Being lied to
  • Convincing yourself he’s interested when he’s done everything to show you he isn’t

You’re welcome.

I ran the gamut of those imaginary love feelings so you don’t have to. My gosh, it’s crappy when you’re in the midst of all that. When you feel something so strong for someone and you just desperately want them to feel it back, you can almost convince yourself of anything. Eventually I realised, I actually don’t really want to be with someone I have to convince to be with me. You can’t force these things. It’s either gonna happen, or it ain’t, but you’ve gotta be able to separate emotion and logic and really be honest with yourself about the circumstances.

When I found love it was easy and self explanatory and unquestioning and stable and…well, pretty damn beautiful really. *apologies for that random outburst of mushiness there* Don’t let all the crap you go through trying to find it make you jaded. Each situation is different and remember, you’re the common denominator in them, so if they’re all crappy, ask yourself what you are doing to attract it.

I actually think it’s nice to think of Valentine’s as an ‘appreciation day’. Why not write someone you appreciate a little note? So many people go through a day without one person telling them they’ve done something right, showing them just a little love will probably make their day. Be it the lollipop lady who gets your kids safely across the street, your colleague who helps you out with work, a classmate who studies with you – whatever it may be, let’s take today to say thank you and let them know how much we appreciate them.

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Love it, love it, love it (pun intended). This list is why I’m currently single – took me far longer than it should have to realise all this and I’m still struggling, but I’ll get there!

I appreciate you, my dear. Thanks for ‘tellin’ it like it is’ x


Pretty sure that every single one of the ‘What Love Isn’t’ points are something everyone has felt at some point in their lives, couldn’t agree more than sometimes you have to take a long hard look at yourself to work out if it’s you that’s attracting it too.

I don’t think Valentines should be the only day to celebrate love (whatever that is for you), but I’m with you that it’s a good day to show someone that you appreciate their love. Mu partner is London based, I’m almost in Scotland I’m so far North. I made a video message for him to watch today, via YouTube to remind him that I love him and that I miss him and that I’m proud of him. Smushy… maybe, but I meant every single word I said to him.


I needed this! I’m going through a messy breakup and I found myself seriously contemplating his request to get back together… but he’s ticked EVERY box on your list of what love isn’t – so you’ve reassured me that I’ve made the right decision in staying solo 🙂
Thank you <3


Love your little outburst of mushiness Bangs! I can only imagine how much you must cover up the fact you are very loved up, just from that little sentence!

I want to show some appreciation to YOU 🙂
Thank you for being an engaging blogger with on the ball content
Thank you for being an inspirational runner – I have to remind myself all the time that you were once where I am now.
Thank you for bringing together all the Team Bangs girls – I’ve had some amazing experiences and met some lovely friends (& followed interesting twitter folk) through you
Thanks for being you! xxx


I love that you got mushy. I love LOVE. Healthy, reciprocated, honest love. It is the best feeling in the world.

Denzel Earkman

Thanks a lot :), you just helped me understand what me and this person has together. I really needed this :)You saved me from a broken heart.

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