www.bangsandabun.com

I have to say that I have noticed this too. I will have a drink every now and then, but often, I like to go out, drink pints of water and dance my behind off. Some even have issue with that, ‘needing’ to have so much dutch courage that they can only stagger about the already sticky dancefloor. They really don’t get the fact that some of us don’t need to drink to have a good time. Surely, as long as you are smiling by the end of the night, if you have a had a drink or not, it is a job well done?

I have one colleague who if he sees me in the pub without a drink automatically asks me if I am pregnant! Every time!

I have been through phases of drinking and not drinking,and yes people do take great offence to it and you have to have a reason not to drink for it to be a valid decision in their minds. The ‘excuse’ of marathon training is coming in very handy at the moment!

RITZI & BLONDIE – I should probably point out, I’m not preachy to people who drink at all. I judge no one for their decision to do so. When the issue is raised I don’t even discuss it, I just say I don’t. In my experience, people seem to have much more of an issue with me not drinking than I do with them choosing to do so. I fully understand that it’s not the case that everyone drinks due to peer pressure. The point I was trying to make was that on the occasions when people have discussed it more in depth with me, oftentimes they admit that they have felt pressure to do so – I probably didn’t make that clear enough in the piece. But I honestly don’t ever force my view on anyone – it’s my life choice, it’s not for everyone and I have no problem with those who choose to drink.

I love this post. Having made some mistakes with alchohol it’s really interesting to hear from someone who doesn’t feel the need to drink for confidence.

While I understand that some people can be really irritating about the issue I wouldn’t be so quick label others as weak though. I am a very shy person and it takes a great deal for me to over come that. There have been situations where I have coasted on the peer pressure to drink in order to deal with my shyness (a bit like Raj from Big Bang Theory – except that I’m scared of everyone). This is when I have made all my worst mistakes with alchohol.

But as scared of you as I am I’m not prepared to think of myself as weak. It takes time and effort to develop coping strategies for shyness, and for dealing with peer pressure. it then takes more time and effort to get out of the habit of wanting to drink it social situations. You’re very lucky to be as confident as you are.

I don’t mean to sound harsh. I’m full of admiration really. It would be great to have more confident people like you being open about not drinking. You might be helping more people than you realise.

I didn’t drink until I was about 22. I was completely teetotal until I got to university and even then I barely bothered. I’d have the odd drink but like you I just didn’t feel the need and had spent enough time around others being rolling, fall-over, vomiting drunk to not want to get into that state myself!

During that time, like you, I got a lot of questioning about why I didn’t drink, people spiking my drink, trying to force me to drink, ‘try it, you’ll love it etc’. I simply didn’t like the taste of alcohol. And I could always tell when my drink had been spiked!

I do think people felt threatened by my sobriety. After all, nobody wants somebody remembering every single silly drunk thing they did the night before. In particular when I was a teenager I was not one for disappearing with boys and experimenting sexually – not that I was exactly fighting them off – but my lack of booziness didn’t help with my popularity with the opposite sex either.

Can’t say it ever bothered me though, like you I was a very independent thinker from a very early age.

Now I have to say I absolutely love a drink. Not sure what changed – but I like to work hard and play hard, and I’ve had some fantastic times on the sauce. But, I have to this day never got into such a state that somebody else has to look after me. That lesson really stayed with me from years of helping other people stagger home and holding their hair back while they vomit. No matter how drunk I am, I can always get myself home.

I dont think being confidence is a luck thing.

It takes a lot of work.

As an acholic, with not a lot of sober time at the moment, I agree with Bangs whole heartedly. Im sick of people trying to help me get over my issues, with a glass of wine.

At the highest point of my sobriety, which was 9 years I had no problems with other peoples consumption, other than the occasional embarrassment, however the vast majority of people who drink have a issue with my non drinking – even though it can cost me my life.

As a result I now go to drinking events – pubs/clubs/cocktails – very very rarely. I do not wish to put myself in that situation anymore, where I have to defend my right to not drink. It sucks.

LOL @ the comparison to Samantha Brick.

I think some of the readers are missing the point. The post isn’t ABOUT drinking, it’s a strong social situation to exemplify Bangs’ point and that is all.

I don’t (really*) drink – similarly to Bangs, for no big reason, no family alcoholism, no drunken experience – I just simply don’t like the taste and I don’t feel I need it (*however, differently to Bangs, I’ve had the odd cocktail and like a bit of disaronno once in a while), and I’ve had many of the same experiences she speaks about here.

But loads other examples – ie., peer pressure in the workplace, or in family situations etc. The point Bangs is trying to make I believe, is that people should be strong enough to be comfortable in their own choices and not be coerced down a path they didn’t choose because of others.

I find it interesting that when someone says they “don’t” do something, others consider it to be a judgement on themselves if they do that very thing…. hmmm. Great post Bangs; people have a right to their individuality and to “go against the grain”.

An interesting post today! I don’t drink either, and I get a lot of comments about it. I made it all through university without drinking. It’s not because I judge people, or because I’m boring or whatever. The smell of it makes me wretch and I physically couldn’t put it in my mouth.

Unlike you though, all of my friends were completely supportive (possibly because it means I’m always the designated driver/hair holder etc). I joined in drinking games with soft drinks or water and once people knew I didn’t drink, they didn’t bother me about it. A great group of friends who really respected me and my decisions.

It’s a shame that some people feel like they can’t do the things they want because they’re worried what people will think of them, even as adults.

I have the same problem with peer pressure. Unlike you I like the taste of some alcohol, spirits and nicely made cocktails, but alcohol can make me ill. I think I have a sensitivity. One glass of something with food or alternating with soft drink is OK, but more than that and I can very ill to the point of needing help home. I spent a couple of years from 18 to about 21 learning that I can’t drink, so now I am very careful. Most times when I go out I have no alcohol and a lot of people have had problem with this. I have had people buy me drinks without being asked that I have felt it would be rude not to drink, and it has made me ill.
I have managed to develop a “going out to a club/pub and having a fun night” personality without the aid of alcohol. A lot of people I have known have needed alcohol before they can relax, but I think this is because they haven’t really tried socialising without alcohol, so they don’t know how.
Bangs post for me isn’t about judging people who drink and calling them weak, it’s about asking the drinkers NOT to judge us non drinkers. People don’t just put pressure on me to have ONE drink, as when I have one (through my own choice) they want me to continue.
It’s my choice whether I drink or not and the people who pressure me have not seen me vomitting and seeming paralytic after having just 2 or more drinks.
It’s seems odd that we live in a country where people are pressured to drink to excess, when binge drinking is such a problem.

I’ve come to realise that I don’t actually like drinking all that much. I’m not tee total, I enjoy a glass of wine with my dinner occasionally, but drinking for drinking’s sake? No thanks.
This post has made me realise that I now mostly drink simply because I feel ought to. Thanks.
Also, I’m still annoyed that I wasn’t allowed to read this at work!

Great post Bangsy. I can’t imagine what you have to deal with – the few times I’ve decided to go teetotal for a mere month or so I might as well have said “I’ve decided to take a vow of silence” given the baffled responses I got, not to mention the pressure to try and “break” me. (I admit, the fact I even have to announce an official “dry” spell says it all. I’m not actually a big drinker but cutting back seems to require a public announcement!)

An acquaintance once gave up drinking after they decided it was causing a big problem in their life, and mutual friends actually started discussing how silly this person was for this decision. “They don’t have a problem, they’re just making a big deal out of this. They should just have a drink.” I found myself defending the poor guy’s decision – nobody else has a right to dictate how we live our lives. Like you, I tend to make up my own rules and feel grateful that I haven’t suffered too much criticism for this in the past; but yes, drinking is one of those weird areas where people suddenly lack a backbone, and even the most laid back acquaintance can turn anxious when you decide not to join them in it.

I thank my lucky stars that, as an impressional and kind of shy teenager, I fell in with a group of friends who never put pressure on me to drink, have sex, take drugs, dye my hair, get tattooed/pierced or anything else. There were some of us who did all of those things and some of us that did none, but of course the majorty of us did whichever we fancied. Nobody ever teased anyone or made an issue out of any of it, and I have always felt that they were the grestest bunch of friends I could have have hoped for. In being able to experiment – or not – and know that none of my group would ever judge me for it, gave me so much confidence, which I carry to this day. I now know what I like and what I don’t like, and what I’m willing to try and what I’m not. It may also have helped that we were punks, and there may have been a certain Rage Against The Machine song out at the time with some very strong views about obedience

I too dont drink alcohol, and havent for the last 10 years, like you there is no reason other than I dont like the taste and I dont like the way it makes me feel. Interestingly a lot of people get paranoid about the fact I will remember the evening and they wont so I get a lot of comments such as “oh dont tell us what we did” or ” dont take photos” 2 things which i ever do, nor do I preach to others it isnt a “moral” choice its the same as the fact I dont eat sushi because I dont like it, although this doesnt freak people out – not even when I lived in Japan. In fact I usually end up carrying others home sometimes literally or being the hair holder backer in the loos. Interestly I get a far more negative response when people find out that I dont own a TV and havent for 10 years than when people find out I am tee total. I just dont like TV, if others do the great I dont preach on about it but when it does come up in conversation, usually because I cant get involved in a TV based conversation I routinely get negative, unasked for feedback. I put it down to people assuming certain lifestyle choices are meant as a critique of others rather than just personal preference