‘Can I Call Him Yet?’
I was on the train yesterday, eavesdropping on someone’s phone conversation as I tend to do to pass the time. This particular was one that was all too familiar. ‘Don’t call him yet, it’s too soon!’ the girl said to her friend on the other end of the line. Ahh, how I don’t miss those days. My God, the dating game is hard ain’t it? All these rules. It’s so confusing for everyone involved. We meet a guy and feel the need to have this tribal council with our friends who all seem to have researched and developed these fail safe guidelines on how to keep a guy interested. We’re tying ourselves in knots here! Look ladies, it’s really not that difficult. Let’s break this thing all the way down.
I’ll admit, before I met my current partner, I was pretty disastrous in this arena myself. Ego is a terrible thing. God forbid someone just isn’t that into us. Even if it’s someone we’re not even that into ourselves, if we can’t work our charms on them, the world is off its axis. Two points to consider here:
1. Sometimes, he’s just not that into you
Ladies, it happens. And that’s really OK. Why are you going to chase after someone who a) doesn’t want to be with you or b) has to be convinced to be. Not fun times. And really rather nonsensical when you think about it. Stop trying to figure him out. Stop making excuses about why he hasn’t called, why he sleeps with you and leaves right after, why he’s introducing you as his ‘friend’ – short of writing ‘I’m just not that into you’ in black marker on your forehead, he’s sending you some pretty clear signals. What’s that? Why doesn’t he just tell you he doesn’t want to be with you? ‘Cause we’re talking about guys here and they don’t want to deal with your emotional response if they tell you that, so they avoid it at all costs. They just hope you pick up on their hints.
2. If he’s into you he will show you and tell you
Yup, it really is that simple. You do not need to crack the Da Vinci code. If he likes you, he calls, he takes you places, he straight up tells you he likes you. I know that takes all the fun out of the phone calls with your homies trying to suss out the inner workings of his mind, but anyone I know, myself included, that’s exactly how it went down when they found their dude. No games, no nonsense.
So what can you do? Well primarily two things:
1. Stop thinking every guy will be ‘the one’
A date is just a date. Stop letting your mind wander off to what your wedding dress will be like and what you’ll name your kids. Calm your ass down. Enjoy the courting stage, if it even reaches the courting stage. Sometimes a date is just a date. Try to keep your crazy in check, at least until he can appreciate your brand of quirk.
2. Stop being super cynical because you had a few crappy experiences
That ‘men are so crap!’ record gets pretty boring. Also, when all you’re doing is moaning about how you can’t find a man and they’re all crappy, are you really surprised they’re not flocking to you? Fix your attitude. Sure, there are some crappy dudes out there, but there are also some great ones. If you’d like a guy to treat you with respect, show him a little and don’t presume he’s the one who created the blueprint for being a playa.
Basically, take your foot off the gas ladies. Enjoy the company of men. It doesn’t always have to lead somewhere, not every guy will be the next great love of your life. When it’s the right one, it clicks and you’ll find you don’t have to have the ‘can I call him yet? Why hasn’t he called me?’ conversation with your girlies. Zen it out ladies, Zen it all the way out.
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Tags: Dating advice, female friendships, relationships, the dating game
