January 21, 2013 | life

Green Eyed Monster

Long Hair

Let’s talk a little about jealousy. It’s a bit of an uncomfortable topic. No one likes to admit they’re jealous. We’re all like to think we’re above it, that we have ourselves together and are far too mature to stoop to such lows, letting such a silly emotion as envy creep into our lives. But let us all collectively dismount our high horses for a second so we can have an honest discussion about it. Jealousy can rear its ugly head over the most trivial of things and can be such a toxic feeling. It’s important we acknowledge it and find a way we can manage it within ourselves.

Truth time: who among you has felt jealousy? OK, I guess I’ll kick off the proceedings *raises hand* I have most definitely felt intense twinges of jealousy in my time. I have let that feeling chew me up and spit me out, I have let it make me angry and resentful, I’ve allowed it to make me bitchy. And that’s the thing with jealousy – it seeps out into your every pore and consumes you. And when I really looked at it, it was always over the most trivial of situations and yup, you guessed it, it always came back to a flaw within myself.

I see it time and again, especially within the blogger community. Jealous digs are bandied about all the time over Twitter, sometimes masked as indirect ramblings, sometimes upfront and outright. If there are products or opportunities involved and one blogger gets it over another, you can expect jealous digs to fly on Twitter, in emails between other bloggers or in extreme cases, in an email to a PR asking why exactly you didn’t get that opportunity.

I have definitely both felt that as a blogger and been on the receiving end of it. There have been times in my professional life I’m felt pangs of jealousy when someone got an opportunity over me. I’d get all pissed off about it and feel resentment towards them, but then I really took a good look at myself and what was causing me to feel like that. Bottom line, I was annoyed with myself that I hadn’t worked hard enough to be in that position. Getting bogged down in the opportunities I didn’t have wasn’t leaving me much room to actually work towards ones I could have.

What I realised is, I don’t know that person’s story (and no, just because you read someone’s blog, doesn’t necessarily mean you know about their life). I don’t know how much work went into them getting that opportunity, I don’t know what a personal triumph it is for them, if it’s part of a bigger picture they’re working towards, what role this achievement plays in the larger goal they’ve set for themselves. What I do know is how hard I’d work for it and how disheartening it’d be for people to dismiss it once I’d achieved it, simply because they felt jealous. I don’t want to be that person.

Suddenly, other people’s achievements served as motivation. They mean hope, they mean it’s possible. If I work my ass off, I too can get there. Being jealous of the fact that they got there first is nonsensical. I can either complain about it or I can figure out how to up my own game and be successful in my own right.

See, jealousy is a cop out. It lets you rest on your laurels while you put someone else’s success down to them being better connected or having money or whatever the case may be. It’s a good excuse to not pursue your own passions, to talk yourself out of having to try. As always, a little self reflection goes a long way. I’m not saying jealousy is an easy emotion to overcome, but you definitely have to be a little introspective to dig yourself out of that hole, move on and lead a more productive life.

And I’ll tell you what – it’s incredibly freeing when you do.

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8 Comments

Andrea

I’ll admit it – I get jealous. A lot. It can be something like me thinking “that girl next to me in Body Pump has bigger biceps than I do” or it can be a bit more serious like being envious of how much better my friends career is going than mine. I just can’t help it! I don’t get nasty about it though, it never brings out the bitch in me. I just try to focus on the good points that I have and I find that I soon forget about what was even wrong in the first place.

Wendi B

I don’t think I’ve ever let it consume me, but I’ve felt jealous of my close friends who are in happy relationships, and share nice news about things to do with their relationships. I am always genuinely happy for them, but a part of me sometimes feels like I’m tired of being happy for others in that aspect, because I want some for me. But I usually just feel sorry for myself for that day or evening, and get on with life the next day.

MrsB

I don’t actually think I get jealous a lot. I wish I had the kind of house one of my friends has, but I’m not jealous, I know I’ll get that house one day 🙂 As for blogging, I’m lucky to have a non-blogging job that I love so I accept that since I don’t put as much effort into my blog as others do I don’t have anyone sending me free Pinarellos! 😉

Kylie

This is a really inspirational post. Thinking about it, I don’t really think I get that jealous… honestly. If I see a blogger that has had a great opportunity, I just wonder how I can make something similar happen for me. I am pleased that bloggers are getting such massive opportunities. Sometimes I wonder why certain bloggers have been picked for some campaigns. For example they don’t fit in the brands target market, or a heavily designer brand wearing blogger works with a high-street brand that they wouldn’t ever wear before etc…I just think that is the marketeer in me though.

Rebecca

I try not to let jealousy consume me, there will always be a time when someone will be better at something then you are. But you just have to accept that. As long as you are trying your best and pushing yourself to be the best you can be, you can’t really ask for much more.

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