Sunday, November 2nd, 2008
Channel surfing on saturday morning, I came across a lovely little gem called ‘Man Vs Wild’. A chap called Bear Grylls (yeah, seriously) presents this how-to guide as to how to survive in extreme situations.
In this particular episode, he was in the desert and I tuned in at the exact moment that he was carving up a dead camel. To be specific, he was cutting a chunk of fat out of the hump, waxing poetic about how nutritious it is, before biting into it. He chewed it for a couple of seconds before spitting it out. Nutritious is may be, but tasty, it is not.
What do you do about a tasty beverage when stranded in the desert, I hear you cry? Well, if you happen to be close to a dead camel, cut it open and slice into the stomach lining. The moisture from digested camel food – ie, camel shit, will quench your thirst. If it tastes like shit, that’s because it is.
So, after he was finished nourishing himself, he cut out the guts of the camel and dragged them a couple of hundred feet away, so that no scavengers would attack his new home (which was around the back of the camel). He then came back to the carcass and peed around it, again, to keep those pesky scavengers away. Apparently, this only works with male urine. Aww shucks. You mean, I don’t get to pee in a big circle around the putrid remains of an ugly hump-backed animal? Man, the wilderness is so sexist.
The show then followed Bear Grylls as he took on whatever the desert threw at him. Clearly, this guy is a professional who’s spent many years figuring out how to survive in ridiculous circumstances. But what of the camera man and the sound guy? Those poor fools probably thought they were signing up as the crew on the Miley Cyrus show and next thing they know, they’re in the sweltering heat of the desert, filming this crazy bastard chowing down on camel carcass.
While I respect Bear Grylls’ expertise, I would say the best way to survive in the desert, is to not end up there in the first place.