Monday, July 23rd, 2012
Friends, it’s been a while since I did some video blog. Well, I’m back! This time, I’m with my good long time amigo, Simone Daley-Richards. We’ll be doing a weekly ‘chat show’ called Yadda Yadda where we’ll be talking about all sorts. Here’s our first episode. Enjoy, share and let us know what you think.
Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
The Social Media Mafia, (which consists of myself, Smarty Jones, The Jaded NYer, F$%k It List and Reina Song), have decided it’s high time we set down in bloggery, The Woman Law. On the whole, chicks seem to have lost their way (See: Kat Stacks), so we’re here to help you get back on track. Today, I discuss the importance of being a lady.
Women today are seriously misguided . Good manners and etiquette have fallen by the wayside. The role model count is way down. I look to women of the past, who actually had some class, then look at women today and despair.
On the left we have the divine Grace Kelly, on the right we have full time drunken train wreck and part time actress Lindsay Lohan. I rest my case.
Here are some basic tips on how to keep it classy:
Getting into Cars
I do not need to know the intimate details of your womb every time you get into or out of a car. If you’re wearing a skirt, it’s bum first, legs follow. Please keep your legs together. It’s much classier and no one thinks you’re at your gynecologist appointment. It really goes without saying that you should always be wearing underwear. If you have, at any point, left your house wearing a dress and no underwear and gotten into a car like you’re mounting a horse, give yourself a slap right now and let’s move on.
Being Drunk in Public
Huge no no. If you are past college age and you still go out and drink to get drunk, you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. As a lady, you should be able to enjoy a drink and still remember your name at the end of the night. Nobody is interested in your drunk tales the day after either. It’s not brag-worthy that you behave like that, it’s embarrassing.
If you ever come to physical blows with another woman, you should have your vagina revoked immediately. Fighting is the most classless thing you can do as a woman. Stop making an ass of yourself, control your mouth and your fists and act right.
If you belch, pass wind or whatever, don’t ever do it or make reference to it in public. No one needs to know about your toilet habits.
Don’t Groom in Public
That’s what bathrooms are for. Why are you clipping your nails on the bus? Applying your make up at the table in the restaurant? Brushing your hair on the train? And while I’m on the subject, stop applying your make up with a trowel. Minimalism is key. Some of you are looking like drag queens.
Stay on Top of Your Grooming
If you’ve chosen to dye your hair, you’ve also signed up for the upkeep. Don’t let it get to the stage where we see more of your roots than the actual hair colour. Do your eyebrows. If you have a moustache, wax that crap. Shave your pits and your legs and make sure your bikini region doesn’t resemble the Amazon. Single ladies, don’t think you don’t need to ’cause you don’t have a man – we need to stay ready. Girls in relationships, don’t think you don’t need to because you’re secure in your nest. If you’re not doing it anymore, your man will go out and find someone who is. Fact.
Wear Nice Lingerie
Your undergarments are, quite literally, the foundation of your outfit. If you’re wearing four year old knickers with holes in and a mismatched bra, you’re starting off totally on the wrong foot. Wear a nice, matching set of underwear and you’ll feel better and more confident. Operate by the ‘what if I get hit by a bus?’ rule.
The above is the bare minimum of what you should be doing as ladies. I’m tired of hearing women say ‘I don’t care.’ You absolutely should care. This stuff is important. Let’s get it together ladies!
Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!