Friday, March 8th, 2013
All my layyyydeeeeezzzzz!
Today we celebrate how far we’ve come and reflect on how much further there is to go.
I’m surrounded by incredible women and have been lucky enough to meet women along my journey who have given me their time, energy and insight, which has in small or life changing way, contributed to who I am and who I’m becoming.
My mother and grandmothers (one no longer with us, one still kicking ass) have been a constant source of strength – these towering beacons of power who have wrapped me up in love, taught me, guided me and shown me the way simply through living their lives day to day in an inspiring way. You can’t move a mountain every day but these women have, chipped away at life, overcome hurdles, headed up their families and paved the way for me to live my life the way I do. I show them gratitude daily but on days like today, I reflect on it more.
Monday, November 12th, 2012
I’m sure there isn’t a woman reading this who hasn’t been harassed in the street by men. From lewd comments, to inappropriate touching or full on groping, I am yet to meet a woman can’t recount a tale of feeling scared/petrified/unsafe/stressed/belittled/ashamed and plenty of other adjectives by those situations. I was sexually harassed last week in my local corner shop and virtually had to run home to escape the two men who were doing it. I vented a little on Twitter about how I loathe having to watch my back and always be aware of those situations. I ended by saying to parents who were raising sons, to please ensure they’re being raised to respect women. And with that, naturally, I got some backlash from men. We have now reached a stage where you can’t talk about women’s rights or sexism without men chiming in to try to make things ‘equal’. News flash fellas – IT’S NOT!
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012
It probably comes as no great surprise that I’m anti-Page 3. I’m a fan of boobs – my own, in particular, are pretty fantastic, but I do object rather heartily to chesticles being published in a national daily newspaper. There’s a time and a place for the funbags, is what I’m trying to say. As soon as I saw the ‘No More Page 3′ petition pop up a couple of weeks ago, I signed it instantly and since then, have become more and more incensed by those who oppose it. So engrained in our culture is the objectification of women, how dare we try to stop it!
Wednesday, July 21st, 2010
Every now and then I write something on this here blog and the reaction sometimes astounds me. That’s just what happened last week when I wrote a post about being ladylike. While I knew there would obviously be people who would disagree with me, I didn’t expect people to find the mere concept of respecting oneself and having a little decorum and manners offensive. Feminism has truly done a number on our generation.
And please, before you get your already twisted knickers into an even bigger knot, take a Xanex and chill the hell out for a second. Believe it or not, I do actually consider myself a feminist. I believe in my rights and the rights of women everywhere, all over the world and Lord knows, I’m very vocal about that. So, when, as one of the more ludicrous comments I’ve ever had on this blog suggested that particular blog post meant that I don’t believe in women’s right to vote, I could do nothing but slam my head against my desk.
Let me be clear: I believe in being a lady, I believe in the power of presentation and take great pride in the way I choose to present myself. I wear lipstick and heels. None of that, has one iota to do with my rights as a woman. None of it. Nowhere in that blog post did I say we should all be meek and mild and only speak when spoken to. If you read this blog regularly or know me in person, you would know that I am far from fitting into the meek and mild category. I’m exceptionally opinionated, sometimes about things I have no business having an opinion on, but I’ll damn well have one – you know why? Because women like my grandmother lived through a time where her voice didn’t count.
But I can’t say I’m mad at that commenter. She, like the others who said the post is a giant step back for feminism are merely misguided. I think when most people think of feminism, they think of burning bras and hairy arm-pitted women stripping themselves of all the ideals a patriarchal society weighed us down with. Well ladies, how about you move it forward 40 years or so? Believe it or not, the movement has progressed somewhat. Feminists now come in all forms.
The ‘Laddette’ movement in the 90s is largely responsible for women being so outraged at the idea of behaving like a lady. According to that, we should be trying to go toe to toe, pound for pound with men, drink them under the table, have emotionless, promiscuous sex, belch, fart and curse your way around town with the lads. If that’s what you want to do, more power to you – but just because I choose to not conduct myself that way, it does not make me less of a woman and certainly not less of a feminist. I don’t feel as though I have to hate men or let my armpit hair grow to make that point.
How people find the concept of ladies not being drunk in public or fighting, or getting into a car with their knees together offensive, truly does baffle me. But hey, if you don’t want to do that, that’s your right, thank goodness. However, to make out as if I’m setting women back by suggesting we should conduct ourselves with a little decorum? Well, you can (and I mean this in as polite and ladylike way as possible), quite frankly, kiss my lipstick wearing, high heeled ass.
Cosmopolitan has launched its Blog Awards and I would be so grateful and honoured if you would take a moment to nominate Bangs and a Bun in the ‘Lifestyle’ category. It only takes a second and I will love you long time if you do. Click here and make my day. Thank you!
Thursday, June 24th, 2010
A couple of days ago, I did a post about domestic violence, exploring the idea that a man should never hit a woman. I wanted to take a look at it from a different angle, generate discussion and shed more light on the fact that it is not only women who are victims of domestic violence. A commenter on that post has accused me of being a woman hater. Here is her comment:
Miss Bangs and Bun….be honest….are you a woman hater??
all you seem to do is have little digs at women all the time??
Are you on a mission like Cosmopolitian magazine to make women feel crap about themselves??
Your posts always seemed to geared toward dissing, cussing or tearing women down one way or another. You never say anything nice EVER!
Domestic violence is a hefty issue and every situation is so different! It’s clear you have no personal experience of DV. It’s opinions like yours that stop women speaking out…Maybe speak to some women you have and get a better understanding and maybe abit of compassion. Violence against a man or a woman is NEVER acceptable or the answer to any relationship problem! Your such a great writer, it would be fantabulous to see you write something positive about women!
I think this raises some interesting points and would like to thank whoever wrote it.
So, let’s examine: am I a woman hater? Well, considering I am a woman and I think I’m pretty damn marvellous, no, I’d have to say I’m not.
It’s important to understand, this is a humour blog. My particular brand of humour is observational and leans to the cynical side. As such, I take situations, try to look at them from a different angle and give a perspective that differs from the ones you may read everywhere else.
The reason it may come off as though I hate women is because traditional women’s media does nothing but blow smoke up our asses. You, it seems, have fallen into the trap of believing what that particular brand of media has shoved down your throat. Me? I’m a realist. Are we all domestic goddesses? Hell no. Are we all skinny? Do we all have perfect jobs? Are we all sugar and spice and all things nice? Most definitely not. Women have changed throughout the ages. I have a huge interest in women’s issues from the 1920s-1960s. Those were times where women had class, there was etiquette that was followed and we actually behaved like ladies. There’s been a real shift in the way women present themselves and are perceived. We’re still fighting for equality. I genuinely just want us to do better, be better, grow, learn and progress.
What I try to do here is explore that. I’ll hold a mirror up to us and make us look at the parts of ourselves that we’d rather not believe. There are unsavoury elements of being a woman that lie in all of us and I’m not exempt from that. A lot of this is as much for self analysis as it is anything else. Sometimes when I write something, I’m just throwing it out there to gauge opinion, hear what others think. Through those debates, I’ve learned many things and they’ve helped me to look at things in a different light.
You are not Elle magazine. You are not Vogue, Company, Glamour or any of the others. There’s more to us than that and it’s not always pleasant. If that offends your ‘rainbows and unicorns’ mentality, then I apologise, but like I said, I’m a realist.
As for your comment that I ‘never write anything nice, ever!’ well, I’ve had this blog for two and a half years and I highly doubt you’ve read every post. If you had, you would know that isn’t true.
In reference to me never having experienced domestic violence, may I direct you to this post where I discuss going through a court case because my boyfriend at the time assaulted me. If you’ve gone through the fear and intimidation of the court system, restraining orders etc, trust me, it’s not possible to not have compassion.
Your comment highlights exactly what I was talking about. You say ‘it’s opinions like yours that stop women speaking out.’ Once again, you’re believing the hype. Believe it or not, it is not always women who are the victims. My post was trying to draw attention to that. And yes, I took a look at what a lot of people are not willing to admit – that sometimes women’s behaviour can escalate situations unnecessarily. I see nothing wrong with discussing that if it makes a woman think twice about the way she’s acting and treating people. We are not always right! As I stressed in the post, I do not condone domestic violence and I think it’s equally as wrong for a woman to hit a man as it is vice versa.
In short, if you want the same old drivel, pick up any women’s magazine – they’re all the same. But here, I’d rather present you with something that’ll make you think. If you really read my blog, you’d see that I’ve gone to bat defending women just as much as I’ve questioned our crazy ways.
But thank you for the comment – you have given me food for thought, indeed.