Posts Tagged ‘graduation’

To the Graduating Class of 2010

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

graduation

Well, it’s all over. Congratulations on surviving your university years and coming away triumphant, with your degree. Unless of course you were too busy smoking weed and going to fancy dress parties to actually get your degree, in which case, congratulations on pissing away a whole heap of money. Good luck paying that back on your McDonald’s salary.

So here begins the fun folks. Life. The real world. What you’ve experienced over the last 3-4 years is actually just one long hallucinogenic trip where you drifted from party to party, squeezing in a class here and there where you could. If you’re honest with yourself, your first two years were a complete doss and you only actually started paying attention and doing something in your final year.

So now reality is gonna bitch slap you harder than Snoop Dogg’s pimp hand. First step, getting a job. So, what’s your degree in? English? Geography? History? If you were planning on doing anything other than teaching, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. If you did something science or maths related – well done, you thought ahead. You have a shot at actually making some money in life.

Now, if you did something creative – you poor misguided bastard – be prepared for a lifetime of unmitigated BS. Oh you did a few work experience placements while at uni? Guess what? No one gives a shit. You better get used to the fact that you’ll be working for free or for your bus fare for at least a couple of years, most likely more. Be prepared for people wanting to leech of your talents and give you nothing but fake promises in return. You’ll hear the words ‘we have sponsorship lined up and as soon as we get some money from that, we’ll pay our writers,’ more than you thought was humanly possible. And you’ll believe them, because you’ll always think people will appreciate your worth as much as you do.

Meanwhile, you’ll be living in squalor. You’ll be semi-used to that from your student days anyway, when you lived with that chick who didn’t so much as wash a dish for three years. The best you can hope for at this point is getting yourself into a Sugar Momma/Daddy situation – hopefully you like the person enough for it to not look like a Pretty Woman scenario.If you can at least whore yourself out on the home front, you might not mind whoring yourself out on the work front, but trust me, if you’re creative, you will be whoring yourself on some level in your life.

And that’s just your 20s. You don’t even want to know what happens in your 30s (neither do I for that matter), but I hear it’s all mortgages, dirty nappies, dinners with boring married couples, an affair if you’re lucky. You better live it up this summer amigos. Life is about to bite you in the ass.

Congratulations!

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