Monday, July 11th, 2011
Back by popular demand, it’s me, making a fool of myself once again. This time, I put the lyrics of Lil Wayne under the microscope. Enjoy! Oh and there’s a fair amount of swearing – turn the volume down if you’re watching it in the library.
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
With Halloween fast approaching, I thought I’d give you all a few costume ideas that are bound to make you the talk of the party. I’m a giver like that.
Jon & Kate Plus 8
It’s ambitious but could be pulled off with some commitment.
What you’ll need: The ‘Kate’ will need to either grow out her fringe/bangs very long, or for quicker results get a fringe/bang weave. The ‘Jon’ just needs to wear a sweater vest and look like a wanker. The real challenge here is the hiring of the eight half-asian little people you’ll have to get to follow you around everywhere.
Cost: Clothing cost should be minimal – just aim for Walmart chic. I’m yet to look into the cost of hiring eight little people, but with the Jon and Kate divorce, the half-asian little people market is probably booming right now, so it could get costly.
The self-proclaimed ‘best rapper alive’ has had one hell of a year. It mystifies me why, but he has nonetheless. Go to a Halloween party dressed like him, people will give you awards just for showing up, much like people have given him awards seemingly just for being alive this year.
What you’ll need: This look works best if you’re 5’2″ or under. You should also be skinny, nay, scrawny even. Next step is to get your child/niece/nephew/young cousin to draw random shit all over your face and body. Throw on as much gaudy jewelry as possible. Clothing wise, a hoodie that looks like you just threw up on yourself is good, but Lil Wayne often goes shirtless (which completely befuddles women, but whatever) so you can forego the hoodie if need be. Perhaps a wife beater, some skinny jeans that sag under your butt cheeks and wear colourful boxers.
Cost: Minimal. Borrow your little sister’s skinny jeans, a few magic markers for the tattoos, some boxers. A few loaned bits of your grandma’s jewelry, don a dreadlock wig and you’re good to go.
Kanye West & Taylor Swift
Kanye’s moment stealing moment was his high point of the year. It’s all anyone could talk about for at least 48 hours – time to capitalise off that bad boy.
What you’ll need: If you’re playing Kanye, find a barber who is known to smoke illegal substances at least twice daily and let him loose upon your hair. The end result should resemble a fucked up crop circle on your scalp. Clothing wise, a simple black shirt, some jeans and some trainers that look as though they were made by and for two year olds. You’re all set. For Taylor, any skinny, blonde white girl will do.
Cost: El cheapo. The only real expense is the haircut and you can pay that barber in weed. Skinny, blonde white girls are a dime a dozen. If you’re playing Kanye, don’t forget to interrupt your Taylor whenever she tries to talk throughout the party.
Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
I feel like I’ve been asleep for a really long time and I’ve woken up in some sort of parallel universe where, all of a sudden, Lil Wayne is the most popular thing on the planet. What in the name of Jesu Christi is going on here?!
Does the fact that his album sold over 1 million copies in its first week mean that he’s actually good, or that there are a million people out there with no taste whatsoever.
My issues with Lil Wayne are threefold:
Firstly, he’s ‘Lil’ and we all know my issues with short men.
Secondly, he’s really not that good of a rapper. I know it’s commonplace in hip hop for rappers to publicly declare that they’re the best thing to ever roam planet earth, but Lil Wayne? Seriously? Anyone who is actually into hip hop and puts this fool in their top five needs their head checked. Furthermore, Mr Wayne himself should probably get his head checked, since he’s the one trying to convince everyone that he’s the shit.
Thirdly, his tattoos. When you’re tattooing your face, it’s time to admit that you’ve run out of space. Find a new hobby.
Fourthly, (OK, it turns out my issues with Lil Wayne are fourfold) – that frikkin’ Lollipop song. A thinly veiled reference to your penis as a ‘lollipop’ will not go down as the smartest lyrical wordplay in history. Is that really the best you could do? She wants to lick lick lick lick lick you like a lollipop (that’s five licks y’all, which I think any man will tell you, doesn’t amount to much). We’re all more than aware that rappers get a lot of ass. You would think a girl wanting to give his lollipop five licks would not warrant an entire song.
There really isn’t enough time in the day for me to share my befuddlement over Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em and Flo Rider right here, so I’ll just call it a day.