Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
My ridiculously good taste in music (and everything else) has been well documented on this here blog. But there are some songs on my iPod, that I will inadvertently turn the volume down on, if I think that there’s the possibility someone on the train might hear it. We all have them, our iPod secrets. Those songs that are OK behind closed doors, but you don’t want anyone to know that you actually listen to them.
Well, I’m busting the lid of this bad boy and letting you in to, what I like to call, my ‘turn it down nuggets’.
Let it be said, I love me some Barry White. And I love this song, but the opening bars make me blush. If I’m listening to this on the train, I often have to just skip it, for fear that if I let it play, I’ll start dancing seductively against some unsuspecting businessman on his morning commute. Good Lord, I’m getting a bit flustered just thinking about it. Oh Barry…
Every time this comes on my iPod, I think ‘how the hell did this get here?’ and yet, I am yet to take it off. I don’t even like the song and still it remains, just popping up on my shuffle every now and then to taunt me.
Having anything by R Kelly anywhere near my iTunes makes me need to Purell my entire body. It’s sick and wrong. But this song (‘my mind’s telling me no, but my boooooddddyyyyy, my boooooddddddyyyyy’s telling me yeeeeheeeessss’), you can’t listen to that in public. Ugh, I can’t believe I just admitted to having that on my iPod – I need ’90s R’n'B singer rehab.
I’m not ashamed to admit that my love for Phil runs deep. Sussudio is the shit! WHAT?! I just have to turn the volume down when this comes on my rotation and I’m in public because I will throw down to some Sussudio. Don’t test me.
Fellow Block fans can affirm this for me: is is just me, or are the opening couple of bars on this track just insanely loud? I have tried to just let this play on my iPod while I’m on the train because, let’s face it, it’s a great fucking track (it’s OK if you’re still in denial – you’ll come around eventually), but I get strange looks from people (the ‘Block Haters’). Bedroom = fine. Train = not so much.
So come on – I shared mine. Tell me your iPod turn-’em-down nuggets in the comments.
Sunday, September 21st, 2008
As I’ve mentioned before, the New Kids were the very first concert I went to when I was 9. When I heard they’d reformed and were coming to the T Dot, I knew I had to get a slice of that action.
What made this trip down memory lane even more exciting was that I was going with Nads. Nads and I lived together in Tokyo, then she buggered off to Australia for two years and just moved back to Canada a few weeks ago. The New Kids would mark our official reunion.
For the past few weeks, we had been engaging in a countdown to our childhood dreams come true. There was some debate as to whether we should go to the concert dressed in costume as our nine year old selves. I declined, on account of the fact that a) I was a hot mess when I was nine and b) I still held onto hope that Jordan Knight would pluck me out of the crowd, take me backstage and procreate with me.
We got to the arena and it was packed with chicks equally as pathetic as me. It was reassuring. In front of us, a woman, who looked about 40, had brought her husband and eight year old son. I wonder what they did to deserve that. The kid could not have been less interested. He sat playing games on his dad’s blackberry all night.
We had to sit through Natasha Beddingfield as the support act. By the time she got around to singing that theme tune from The Hills, I was ready to give her a round house kick to the neck. (By the way Natasha, you’re in desperate need of a stylist – call me).
Finally, the lights went down and the stadium erupted. A large screen came on above the stage and text sparked up across it. ‘Fifteen years ago…they walked away,” it said. “But now…they’re back…Are you ready…for The Block?”
“Oh my God, ” said Nads. “I’m about to lose my shit.”
“Lose my shit? I have no shit!” I confess.
And then, when the New Kids/grown ass men came on stage, Nads and I proceeded to scream like pre-teens. And I don’t mean the occasional ‘woop woop’. I’m talking full on, using-all-the-air-in-your-lungs screams. Nads, who hadn’t been allowed to attend the concert back in the day, lost all control of her senses. She jumped up and down, screamed and I think at one point, I saw her cry, but I can’t be sure.
Was the concert cheesy? You’re damn right – it was New Kids on the Block bitches! It was the biggest slice of cheese I’ve ever digested, but it was amazing. The songs were all accompanied by the old dance moves from the videos. Jordan had a solo section involving a wind machine and an open white shirt billowing in the breeze. Yes, hardcore cheese, but did I still want to hurl myself on stage and have my way with him? You’re damn straight I did.
They belted out the classics for two hours. Not much has changed. My love for Jordan remains strong, though I’ve decided Donnie can be my piece on the side.
When all was sung and danced, Nads and I were exhausted from our epic pre-teen scream fest. We were kind of lost for words about how ape shit crazy we went and made a silent promise not to speak of our shameful lust for The Block. That is, until I wrote about it here, of course.
Thursday, January 31st, 2008
In 1990, my love for the New Kids ran so deep I knew every lyric, every dance move and there wasn’t a square inch of my bedroom wall without one of their pretty little faces on it.
I even wrote to Jim’ll Fix It to see if he could fix it for me to meet them. No dice.
New Kids was the first concert I ever went to. I was nine years old. I spent the whole day before making my ‘I ? U Jordan’ sign, which in my mind, could rival the works of any of history’s great artists. (It should be noted here that the next concert I went to, when I was 12, was Prince. My musical tastes developed quite considerably during those three years.)
Not long before the New Kids concert, our car was broken into. The back windshield was smashed and all that was taken was my dad’s raincoat and my New Kids on the Block video. In fact, it wasn’t even my video. It was my friend’s. I had borrowed it in a desperate attempt to learn the moves to ‘Hangin’ Tough’ Relaying the tragic news of the video’s theft to my friend, we were both shaken to the core.
But that’s just how popular New Kids on the Block were back then – NKOTB merchandise was a prime target in robberies. I’m not sure what the street value of that video was, but I suspect someone got quite a healthy crack high from the sale of it.
I can’t really remember when I went off them, but doubtless Vanilla Ice or MC Hammer took over as the heroes of the day. By the mid-90s, it was a crime to admit you’d ever liked New Kids. They were just sad.
I chuckled with everyone else when they changed their name to NKOTB in an attempt to stay relevant. The senior citizen of the group, Jon, went on Oprah and had a panic attack. The most pointless member, Danny, disappeared into oblivion. Donnie took up acting. Little Joey McIntyre was in a stage show or something and Jordan Knight released a great single in ’99 only to fall off completely and become reality TV fodder in recent years (and to think, I wanted to marry this man).
But, it is once again acceptable to reminisce about the New Kids days of yore with your friends. You can wear your love with pride again.
Nads and I would perform our legendary version of Step By Step at various karaoke sessions around Tokyo, always to a thunderous applause (in our own minds).
So, it’s safe to say, if the reunion happens, I’ll dig out my ‘I ? U Jordan’ sign and get my ass to the nearest concert to Hang Tough just one more time.
Thursday, January 17th, 2008
Jimmy Saville has been a fixture on British TV for approximately 200 years. Back in the 60s and 70s, he was a host of the legendary show, Top of the Pops, but he really came into his own as the ‘Jim’ of ‘Jim’ll Fix It.’
The concept was simple. You write to Jim with your wish (to ride on an elephant, for example) and he would ‘fix it’ for you to come true. This was all filmed; you being surprised by the news, you participating in said dream and the aftermath where you received, the much coveted, ‘Jim Fixed it For Me’ medal from Jim himself. This show was wildly popular. I don’t think I knew a kid alive in the late 80’s/early 90s who hadn’t written to Jim in the hopes that he would ‘Fix’ something for them.
Jim was always a little weird, but now, seeing Jimmy Saville gives me night terrors. The guy has kiddy fiddler written all over him. There’s something seedy and underwordly about him. If I even see a picture of him, I have to go take a shower with bleach. Why would any parent allow their child to write to this creep? And lets face it, Jim didn’t fix shit – a huge team of producers did. Why are we even giving him credit at this point?
What’s worse is that this man was knighted. Knighted! So he’s now Sir Jimmy Saville. What exactly has this man contributed to society? Bad tracksuits, cigars, mullets and the phrase ‘now then, now then’ – that’s about it.
Sure, I may still be a little bitter that Jim didn’t fix it for me to meet New Kids on the Block, but on reflection, it was probably for the best. If I’d seen Saville’s mullet up close, I think I’d have had a full scale panic attack.
Jim’s now in his eighties, but not long ago he brought the wonder that is ‘Jim’ll Fix It’ back to our screens once more. How was this allowed to happen? Why is it OK for him to continue to terrorize young minds? He obviously doesn’t operate at full speed these days so the show really just involved him donning a hideous tracksuit, smoking Cubans (and by ‘smoking Cubans’ I mean, possibly killing people of Cuban descent) and muttering a few indecipherable words at the end.
When not on TV, Jimmy can be seen participating in various marathons. I can’t knock the guy for that – he’s in his eighties and still has enough get up and go about him to do his bit for charity. I can, however, knock his need to do this in a string vest and way-too-short-running shorts. My eyes! My eyes!
I must say, not having to live with the threat of Jimmy Saville popping up on my TV screen at any given moment is one of the reasons I’m happy I don’t live in the UK anymore.
And frankly, till he makes right on my New Kids on the Block fix, he’ll forever be on my shit list.