Monday, February 23rd, 2009
Here are a few scattered thoughts after watching the Oscar red carpet (which is obviously, the only bit I care about).
The dress was clearly a miss, but in possibly one of the most hilarious red carpet moments ever, Miley hinted, while being interviewed, at her hopes of receiving an Oscar next year. Dream on bitch. Hannah Montana ain’t that serious.
Sarah Jessica Parker
The dress impeccable. The boobs – amazing. The boobs..er, sorry, I couldn’t look away for a second there. The centre parting – can exit stage right.
Mickey, on what is probably the biggest night of his career, shows up looking like he just had a hard night in Vegas. Then he wouldn’t shut up about his damn recently deceased dog. Crazy bastard. I hate to seem like an insensitive biznatch (well, I don’t mind it at all actually), but seriously, your comeback will be well and truly complete when you stop giving your dogs shout outs in every speech/interview.
Taraji P Henson
Throw a veil on her and she looks like she’s about to get married on a beach in Jamaica. And you know how I feel about destination weddings. Do not get me started.
Oh Beyonce. You are the gift that keeps on giving. You never fail to show up to an awards ceremony looking completely shiteous. Job well done. I don’t know what that fella’s doing there, but no amount of faffing can save that dress. I think you may actually have outdone yourself on this one Ms Knowles. It is comically bad. Thank you.
Honorable mention – Tim Gunn
Tim was doing red carpet commentary and frankly, if he wasn’t the founding father of gay, he’d be my husband. I love me some Tim Gunn. Seeing him interview Valentino (however shortly) was a little slice of fashion heaven.
And the award for Why Were They There goes to…
Miley Cyrus – her complete oversaturation of every market possible is now fully complete.
Mario Lopez – was he up for an award for his outstanding work on ‘America’s Best Dance Crew’?
Beyonce – Try as you might honey, you’ll never get an Oscar, but it’s highly amusing watching you try.
Hugh Jackman – He’s Australian. Exposure to that accent should be limited to an absolute minimum at all times.