Posts Tagged ‘parents’

Number One Support Squad

Monday, October 10th, 2011

One year ago today, I took part in my first race – the Royal Parks Foundation Half Marathon. I had started training three months before. I had no clue what I was doing, didn’t follow a training plan and got laryngitis two weeks before the race. I was in no condition to run it, but I did it anyway and race day changed my life. Yesterday, one year on, I ran the Royal Parks Foundation Half marathon again. It was the perfect way to celebrate my one year running anniversary and reflect on all the lessons I’ve learned as a result of it.

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An Open Letter to Parents

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Hi Parents,

If you have young kids, come sit next to me for a second, we need to have a chat. So, congrats on having some offspring, that’s great. Continuation of the human race and all that. Fantastic times. But can I just break something to  you that no one else has the balls to tell you? Your kid ain’t that great.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, it’s just a fact. I mean, I know that your child’s every breath leaves you in awe and wonderment, but to the rest of us, it’s just some pretty regular shit. And I know that your little bundle of joy has turned your life upside down and everything now takes on a new meaning, but to the rest of us, life just goes on. So, if you could stop it with all the constant updates about how Junior opened his eyes today, or took his first step or giggled, it’d be much appreciated.

And you should really think twice before posting that Facebook status update about how little Tommy went potty all by himself today. I’m telling you this for your own good – absolutely no one but you cares about your child’s bowel movements. Oh and stop using your kids pic as your profile picture while you’re at it – lame.

I know this all sounds pretty harsh, but I can assure you, all childless people (and some other parents too) have had these thoughts at one time or another, as you regale every dinner party with stories of your child’s ‘wonderful achievements’. The reality is, what your boasting about is what every kid does. Every kid crawls, walks, burps, farts, laughs, learns to read blah blah blah. Please stop boring us! Unless your child is a bone fide genius, he’s really not doing anything new or special.

Mothers, I get that you gave birth – kudos, ’cause that bit sure does deserve some props – but you don’t now out-rank me as a woman because you carried something in your womb. So, enough with the eye rolling if I don’t let you jump ahead of me in a queue just because you have a kid. In fact, if you have a kid, I’m gonna assume you have a significant other who can help you with your chores. Me? I’m single – I’m doing all this grocery shopping by myself and I have to carry my own bags! Give me a break over here!

Here’s another thing you should probably hear – while you think your baby is the most beautiful thing in the world, everyone else is fully aware that all babies look pretty much the same and are sometimes quite ugly. It’s OK, they grow into their looks, but when they’re a few days old, it’s not really like I can step in there with a ‘oh my! Little Sarah has fabulous bone structure.’ The constant pressure to say that everyone’s child is the most beautiful thing on earth is kinda awkward.

I’m fully aware that if I have children, this whole thing will go out the window as I bore everyone around me to tears with tales of how wonderful/perfect/gorgeous/clever they are. It’s the nature of the beast. This also doesn’t really apply to my friends who have kids because their kids are legitimately, better looking than yours and most impressive in all their pursuits.

So in conclusion, we get it – you’re proud. Roger that. 10-4. We don’t need the 50 Facebook updates a day and constant pictures to hammer that point home. It’s a given. You’d be pretty soulless if you didn’t think your own flesh and blood was the shiznit – I’m just saying, don’t always expect everyone to be on the bandwagon.

Sincerely,

Bangs

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Posted in life | 43 Comments »