Monday, March 26th, 2012
Last week, a video emerged of N’Dubz singer Tulisa giving her then boyfriend some oral pleasure. Sex tapes are so *yawn*, but the reaction to this one bears some discussion. This seemed to have been the most talked about blow job since Bill Clinton ‘did not have sexual relations with that woman.’ It is sad that we live in a time where what happens behind closed doors can be shared publicly and on such a grand scale. Not only is it shared, it is scrutinized and judged. The main thing we learned from last week’s debacle? That fault, judgement and shame will always be laid at women’s feet. And this, amigos, is a problem.
Tuesday, November 8th, 2011
I monitor my blog stats in a pretty hawk like fashion. It gives me a sense of what people like and don’t like, which posts are popular and what have you, but most importantly, it tells me what people are Googling that leads them to this blog. Sometimes those searches are pretty darn funny so I thought I’d share a few of the classics with you here.
Wednesday, May 4th, 2011
When the video of 16 year old OG Niki surfaced on YouTube a few weeks ago of her rapping about her various sexual conquests, it seemed the whole of Twitter sat up and took notice. Her opening line about getting it from behind and having ‘six man and a camera’ (for those not catching on, she’s talking about filming an orgy she had with six men), made a few jaws drop. It got me thinking about teenagers and sex in the digital age. Online life moves so quickly and there’s no handbook for how to appropriately handle relationships in that forum, so what is the answer?
Monday, February 7th, 2011
The interweb lost its shizzle last week with the release of Rihanna’s new video for her song ‘S & M’. I watched the video, then bathed in holy water and lashed myself with rosary beads. For the love of boundry-pushing-Madonna-wannabes, when is enough enough?
These popstars may as well just progress to having sex on screen while their track plays in the background at this point. I don’t even want to get into the ironies of Rihanna, who was in an abusive relationship, releasing a song about S & M, which is essentially being sexually aroused by a bit of violence. I don’t want to get into the message lyrics like ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me’ are sending to her young fan base, but it’s unavoidable. I understand that Rihanna was a young girl when she shot to stardom and has had to come of age in the international spotlight. Yes, she’s a sexual being and perhaps she doesn’t want to be a role model, but the leap from ‘Pon De Replay’ to donning full on PVC and whipping someone in a video is a giant one.
Thursday, December 9th, 2010
I don’t want to know about your sex life. I’m not a prude, I don’t suffer from any sort of catholic guilt about my decision to engage in such relations prior to marriage, I’m not uptight or repressed or whatever else – I just don’t know to know all the intimate details about what you do, with whom, between the sheets. Simply isn’t my business. But we live in an age of over-sharing. Lines of appropriateness get crossed on a daily basis. A casual joke, turning a perfectly innocent phrase into a crazy sexual innuendo, whispering to your coworker on your lunch break about how good your boyfriend gave it to you last night – kindly keep it to yourself.
I’ve been at a restaurant and heard women discussing their vibrators. Nothing will put you off a sirloin steak quicker, let me tell you. I’ve listened to girls discuss their sex lives in intimate detail and cringed. I’ve had male friends tell me the kinky stuff they’ve done with girls and had that awful, mortifying moment of realisation that at some point, one of my former lovers may have had that conversation with his friends too.
Call me old fashioned, but I kind of think any discussion about any sweet jungle lovin’ I may or may not be making should be solely reserved for the fella I may or may not be making it with. You may notice I never discuss sex on this blog. While a fair few people have stumbled across this site by Googling ‘shoe porn’ that’s about as pornographic as it ever gets on here. I don’t think talking about it is wrong and it doesn’t necessarily make me uncomfortable, it’s just more of a time and a place issue. Hanging out in public places, I’d be pretty mortified if my friend tried to break down her various sexual exploits to me and ask my advice. But a quiet girls night in – then it’s not so bad. But even so, there have to be lines, clear rules of what is and isn’t off limits, don’t there?
I think for most people, when they’re younger, nothing is out of bounds when it comes to the discussion of sex, but that’s because everyone’s new to it and just trying to figure out if their doing it right, more than for the gory details. But now, as I approach the big 3-0, when I hear women my age going into more detail than you’d give a priest at confession, I can’t help but think how wildly inappropriate it is. Does your man know that all your friends know how well endowed he is? Or what his favourite position is? Or that he does this thing with his tongue that makes your toes curl? No wonder your friends stare at his mouth whenever they’re over for dinner. Would you want your fella’s friends knowing that kind of info about you?
There’s a lot to be said for privacy, mystery and just straight up having some class. We don’t want or need to know it all.
Monday, August 17th, 2009
I really can’t stand to hear people talk about sex; their sex lives, how much sex they’re getting, how little, how they wish they were getting it. I don’t care. It’s none of my business. It bothers me more when women do it. I get that we’re all liberated now, but what ever happened to having some class?
Some things are just meant to be kept private. When women get into new relationships, it seems like the first thing they want to do is give their girlfriends a break down of their sexual activity complete with a schedule of how much they’ve been doing it and what days they intend to do it next. We get it, you’ve been swinging from the chandeliers. On a side note, no one actually has chandeliers, so I call bullshit on that whole idea and if you do have chandeliers, you have very questionable taste, so you should spend less time doing the nasty and more time with an interior decorator.
I had a friend who once told me of her boyfriend’s (who I’d never met) erectile difficulties. I listened, because I was trying to be a good friend, but the whole time I thought it was completely inappropriate for her to be sharing that tidbit with me. When I finally met the boyfriend, what do you think I was thinking about?
I’m no prude by any means. I just don’t think it’s necessary to have a round table discussion with your 18 closest girlfriends every time you get some.
You know who I blame for all this openness in female sexuality? Lil Kim. From the second she came on the rap scene she’s just been nasty. Here’s some sample lyrics from her song ‘Gimme That’:
I got the tightest, rightest vagina
Even got my name on the menu at the diner
Guys extend G, with my goodies
I’m the only bitch in the world that got two pussies
Sex Queen Bee and no bitch could come after
Dudes stay hard, don’t need Viagra
My beehive gags ya, when it grabs ya
Pussy get wetter than the whole Niagara
I hear these lyrics and I think, ‘my, what a classy lady.’ You’re on a menu at a diner Kim, really? I’ll get a Lil Kim with a side of gonorrhea to go please. I’m not even going to address the fact that she apparently has two vaginas. She really needs to see someone about that. Are guys listening to that and dreaming about the day they get a piece of that? Be careful fellas, because her ‘beehive’ grabs ya and it’s wetter than the whole Niagara.
If I’m talking to a guy and he starts talking about how wonderful his bedroom activities are, I give him two thumbs down, a high five and I head for the hills. Everyone knows, if you’re talking about it, you’re not all that spectacular.
So, how about we all go back to a simpler time, pre-Lil Kim, when people actually kept their business to themselves? Sex should be between you and your partner (or you, your partner and a third party, should you choose to get down like that. Or you and a horse like that dude in the States who got arrested for that recently…but I digress).