Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
So, you know I decided to give up Diet Coke for Lent? Yeah, well, I should have given up TV. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me recently (though I’m gonna put it down to the lack of Diet Coke in my diet), but my TV choices have been beyond atrocious.
Saturday night, I watched some lame movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Diane Keaton. Parker was the girlfriend of Keaton’s son and was spending Christmas with the family for the first time. Christmas, family, Diane Keaton was such a good mum, which made me think of my mum, then my dad, then home, then Christmas and before I knew it, some sort of salty residue was seeping from my eyes. Crying, damnit! Crying over some sappy saturday night chick flick. For shame!
Then the other night, I had a bad TV marathon. I started out watching Intervention. I hate it when I accidentally stumble across an episode of that show. A show about addiction, that is addictive in itself. Oh the irony. Anyway, it was about some woman who was addicted to hitting herself. Frankly, I think she was onto something, because by the end of the show, I wanted to hit her too. I think she was misunderstood – she was merely trying to slap some sense into herself and had been failing for years. It’s really only logical that someone step in there and hit her for her own good. And that someone should be me.
After that, I stumbled across a show about a man who was half man, half tree. Yes, you read that right; half man, half tree. He had some crazy out-of control wart situation that basically made his hands and feet look like tree stumps. It was spreading all over his body. I was repulsed and yet, I couldn’t look away. Moral of the story, he spent month in the hospital undergoing numerous surgeries to remove the warts and some other doctor gave him some drugs to prevent future warts and Bob’s yer uncle – tree man was cured. And I could sleep that night.
But not before I watched a show about a girl who was a mermaid. Literally. Her legs fused together in the womb and never separated, so from her waste down she just has this mass growth that essentially makes her a real, live mermaid. There have only been between 4 and 8 people known to have ever been born with that disease. Most died and a couple had their legs separated when they were babies. Well, this chick is 8 years old and still going strong. I don’t get it. She has like half a kidney and not much else in the way of internal organs, not to mention she has no rectum, vagina, reproductive system. Medical. Miracle. Plain and simple. She could really die any time and she’s adamant about not having her legs separated. This kid has her shit together more than most people I know. They asked her what she wants to be when she grows up and she says, ‘I can be anything; a lawyer, a princess, I can be anything I wanna be.’ Salty residue dripped from my eyes again. Damnit!
So, yeah, between the tree man, the mermaid, the self-hitting addict and the cheesy chick flick, I cannot hold my shit together. Must switch off. I must save myself from this shitty TV abyss. Any advice?