Posts Tagged ‘tackiness at its finest’

I Don't

Monday, January 19th, 2009

You know what gets on my nerves? A whole lot of things, that’s what. But today, it’s destination weddings. No, I’m not having one (because it’s pretty much a certainty at this point that I will die alone) and Praise Jesus I don’t know anyone stupid enough to have one. They just irk me. 

 

First off, it’s tacky as hell. An all-inclusive resort in Cuba where they throw in the wedding for free, hardly screams ‘class’. And no, just because you choose to have it in Jamaica because it’s more expensive, doesn’t add any sort of wow factor. 
The tackiness of the destination extends to the wedding attire in most cases. I’ve seen pictures of grooms wearing khaki shorts at the ceremony. What kind of shit is that? It’s your wedding day, dude. You’ve got the rest of your married life (which probably won’t last too long, because you spent all your money on your tacky wedding) to slouch around in khakis. If you’re only required to dress properly one day in your life, it’s your wedding day. Get it together. And the bride always wears some spaghetti strap number, probably with her bikini underneath. Ugh, don’t even get me started. 
But what annoys me the most is that they invite people to this shit. Hey, do you wanna come to my wedding? Cool, here’s a bill for $2000. Are you frikkin’ kidding me? I have to pay to get down there, probably spend half the week sick from all the questionable food and watch you exchange vows on a beach with the sunset in the background (puke)? Great. Where do I sign up? 
I honestly can’t believe the cheek of people asking their friends and family to do that. It’s rude, it’s selfish and have I mentioned tacky as hell? And I hope they don’t expect a wedding gift. Whew! Do not get me started.  
Unless you’re willing to foot the bill for everyone you know to go down there, seriously, don’t even ask people. Don’t flatter yourself into thinking that people give enough of a shit about you to spend $2000 of their hard earned money watching your lame ass get married. (If any of my friends are reading this and are planning on a destination wedding in the future, I hope this makes it beyond clear that I shall not be in attendance). 
If you get a divorce, will you reimburse your wedding party for wasting their time and money with your tackiness? 
Just get married locally, have your reception at the pub and call it a day already. If the only expense is a new outfit and maybe a cab ride, there’s a possibility that more people show up. 
Unless of course, the whole point of you having a destination wedding is that you are hoping people won’t fork out the cash to go and therefore you save on the drama of having to deal with umpteen guests – you are a crafty genius and I applaud you. 
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Tip of the day – Trust your instincts. They’re always right, the bastards. 

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