Sometimes, the wheels can come off your life in slow motion. You don’t know it’s happening, you’re cruising along, but bit by bit, things just start to feel a little off. It starts with a weird feeling, then ends with you being down a bit of a rabbit hole of stress and anxiety, depression and helplessness.
So, that’s where I found myself.
At the start of this year, I knew I felt a bit off but couldn’t really put my finger on it. I felt overwhelmed, stressed, negative but really just kind of…stuck? Like, there was something going on with me that I couldn’t find the words for and didn’t know how to move past.
But, you know, I don’t wanna burden anyone with my problems, plus work still has to be done, rent still has to be paid, so I just plowed on, all the while feeling as though I may actually burst with all this who-the-hell-knows-what brewing inside me.
Then I was chatting to my friend Melody. She’s such a pure human, I have so much time for her. We have really great conversations and she was telling me about a Reiki healer she goes to. I know nothing of Reiki or its ways, but it sounded like it may be of use for my current emotional state.
I made an appointment and went along.
Taking the leap
Josie, Reiki goddess, asked me why I was there. I stumbled over my words a lot, eventually managing to blurt out ‘I’m not really sure. Something just doesn’t feel right. I feel…stuck.’ I told her I didn’t want her to explain too much about the process to me, I just wanted to keep an open mind and experience it – she said that’s the best approach.
All I knew is that she’d be using Reiki, singing bowls and some scents. I knew virtually nothing about what any of those things could do.
I lay on a massage table, an eye mask blocking out the light. She told me to take some deep breaths and she began. She filled the room with a scent, I’m not sure what it was, but it took me right back to church, back when I was a good catholic child. Like, really transported me there – I saw myself as a kid, sitting in the pew at church and my grandmother (who passed away in ’04) was next to me, I could feel her on my right hand side. And this wave of happiness just rushed through me.
My grandmother was there. I felt safe.
(I should point out at this juncture, I’ve never felt anything like this in my life. I always like to imagine my grandmothers are somewhere in the universe looking out for me, but I’ve never actually felt their presence. I tried not to overthink it.)
Josie moved around my body – sometimes I could feel her hands on me, sometimes they hovered just above me. She spent a lot of time in my mid-section, around my solar plexus. My heart felt as though it was literally beating out of my chest.
Wherever she had her hands, I could only really feel that part of my body, I wasn’t aware of the rest of me – just right where she had her energy was the only part of me that existed.
She moved to the right side of my body and gently lifted my right arm. As soon as she did that, I felt a weird sensation in my throat. It was powerful and strange and it freaked me out.
She moved to my left side and did the same thing, but this time, no throat sensation.
I felt my breathing was labored and my heart was still beating really hard. At the end of a session, she took a tuning fork and struck it. I heard its sound and felt it getting closer to me as she lowered it onto my chest and pressed it there. The vibration went right through me and I felt myself sink into the massage table, my breathing suddenly easing and my heart going back to its regular beat.
What did it all mean?
When she finished, I opened my eyes and we discussed what we’d each felt. She said the word that kept coming to her as she worked on me was MAGIC – ‘it’s like you don’t know how magical you are yet,’ she said. Truthfully, I don’t really know what that means, but it’s a pretty lovely sentence and it made me smile.
She said she spent a lot of time around my solar plexus ’cause I’m holding a lot of negative energy there, like I have a difficult time letting go of things (which definitely struck me as true).
I told her when she picked up my right arm, I felt that weird sensation in my throat. She said, funnily enough, picking my right arm up was the most powerful part of the session for her – she felt energy pulsing through it as soon as she lifted it. She said the right side of the body is where masculine energy resides – so I have all this strong, powerful energy, but then there’s the feeling I had in my throat chakra, which indicates I’m having trouble communicating something, or things are going unsaid.
And yeah, that right there? Ding ding ding! That’s where it all came together.
I’m constantly being told that I’m such a strong, powerful woman, I feel as though it doesn’t leave me any room to be vulnerable. I don’t verbalise it if I’m having a tough time, I just hang onto it, I’m not giving it an outlet, so all that negative energy is just hanging around in my solar plexus. And since I’m not letting that energy move through me, it winds up with me feeling…stuck.
She said I have a really powerful energy that just floats around me, but isn’t really focused. Do I find that I procrastinate a lot or put things off? she asked. Yup, all the time, no matter how well intentioned I am. It’s something that really drives me crazy about myself. Josie wasn’t surprised at all – that’s happening because my energy’s all over the gaff, basically.
So that session was, essentially, to clear my chakras, she told me, to clear those channels out, then the real work can start.
The after effects
I left that session feeling physically lighter.
The next day, I felt like I’d been hit by a freight train, I literally couldn’t move from my couch. I was exhausted. I even ordered take out ’cause even the thought of cooking was too much energy. And interestingly, my puppy picked up on that energy and didn’t move from my side all day – he just lay there with me.
The day after that, I woke up and felt amazing. I felt light and happy and clear. The only way I can describe it, is it felt as though something had shifted. It could just be that having a reiki session, knowing I was taking a proactive step towards better self care just made me feel better, but I think there may definitely be something to this Reiki stuff. There has been a definite shift in my energy.
That session was a few weeks ago and since then, I have been so much more productive. I feel less stressed and anxious, I feel happier and am starting to feel excited about my life again, which I had been really struggling to feel for a while.
I have another appointment lined up this week. I don’t expect miracles every time, I really just want to go into each session with an open mind, but I can say, without question, that the first session definitely had some very positive effects.
So if you’ve been considering Reiki, you don’t need to understand it or be concerned about its inner workings, just be open to the process and see where it can take you.
So far, I’m enjoying the ride.
(I went to Josie at Eleven Healing)