March 13, 2008 | relationships

Lovers and Friends

Tired of the crap storm surrounding the Spitzer debacle, the prostitute involved cuts out the middle man and give Spitzer’s wife a call herself to iron things out.   Silda Spitzer: Spitzer residence Ashley Alexandra Dupre: Hello. It’s Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Silda: Who? Ashley: You might know be better as ‘Kristen’. Silda: Oh, right, yeah....

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March 13, 2008 | life

Making an Ass of Yourself

I’m all for a bit of self examination; balancing the ying with the yang, aligning the chakras and all that bollocks, ’cause if you don’t know where you’re at, you don’t know where you’re going – am I right? Everyone has their own way of reaching their inner peace, but I feel like this guy...

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March 11, 2008 | life

Word on The Wire

The Wire has now officially ended. First Sex and the City, then The Sopranos, now this? Damn it HBO, stop crushing my dreams! I don’t know how I will get over the loss of The Wire. I will actually have to think of other things to talk about with my friends and that’s just a...

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March 10, 2008 | life

Hush My Mouth

Well, I’ll be damned. South Pasadena, California declared the first week of March ‘No Cussing Week’. What kind of sh*t is that? (Sorry South Pasadena residents, but as you can see, the first week of March has passed and I’m a little late getting the memo).   As we all know, letting out the odd...

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March 7, 2008 | life

Keeping Updated

Facebook status updates tend to fall into one of three categories; the inside joke (which maybe you and two other people on your friend list actually get), the non-update update (if you’re telling me you’re hung over, yet again, you ain’t updating me on shit – I know you’re a drunk) and the countdown (to...

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March 6, 2008 | relationships

One Last Time

My grandmother would have been 98 today. Sadly, she passed away in September of ’04. She donated her body to science. I wrote the piece below last year when I found out the hospital were releasing her body for burial. I’m posting it here today in honor of her. (Feeling a little sentimental today –...

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February 20, 2008 | life

The Confessional

Even though I’m going through a crisis of faith right now, I had some things I had to get off my chest, so decided to go to confession. Me: Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It’s been….well, it’s been a really frikkin’ long time since my last confession. Father McBangs: Please don’t curse. Me:...

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February 15, 2008 | life

The Joys of Sumo

Being a Sumo wrestler is the best gig in the world. It basically entails eating, sleeping, wearing a thong and bitch slapping people. I’d be an excellent contender, as that pretty much is my life.   There is an incredible amount of money involved in Sumo. It is big business, in every sense. The prime...

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February 13, 2008 | fashion

Rockin' the Arethas

I’d like to discuss for a moment, if I may, boobs. Specifically, these ones: Holy mother of God!   Now lets pretend I’m not talking about Aretha, because it’s almost blasphemy to do so, but this titty situation must be addressed.   Do you see how that spaghetti strap is holding on for dear life?...

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February 7, 2008 | fashion

The Crappy Job Chronicles

There are certain jobs where there’s a good camaraderie with your colleagues. Nightclub coat check girls form a bond, a code of ethics, a sense of loyalty not unlike that of say, the marines. When you go to work each night, you’re preparing for battle.   Oh sure, the beginning of the night is all...

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